Hair to my Crack

I cut my hair. 

My long beautiful mane thatalmostreachedmyass. My awesome locks, and tufts of baby hairs...chopped. Lopped off with fancy ass scissors. Hacked with a precise hand. 

No longer am I able to look up and have my butt crack tickled with my split ends anymore. It makes me kind of sad. 

That AND the fact that my sister told me I look more Asian than I did before. It's the fucking bangs. 

I didn't walk up to the stylist and say "Chinese please!" all though it looks that way. 

Oh...my hair does not cover my knobs like I said I needed it too either! 

I will have to wait for my hair to grow out before I can do my infamous "Naked in the Dumpster" photo shoot again. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! 

Although I like it. I really do. I look different. It's cute according to my demon children. 

Thanks Jes for hooking me up. 

I am not going to use real names because I don't want to embarrass the person who has the softest lips that I remember and is a fantastic kisser. 

Shit...did I just say that? 

Oops. 

I mean...

I will not blog about that one person who I was infatuated with in high school and still possibly.
This doesn't count right? 

This person will not marry me. Unless I pay them $10,000. And right about now I don't have $10k laying around to be used for a bribed marriage. What a fucking shame. 

Shit I'm doing it again. Okay I'll stop. 

My hair, yes that is what we were talking about not that one person who is still gorgeous after all this time. 

Sheesh, I swear my mind lives in the gutter 11 months of the year. 

My new hair cut gave me the same bullshit at the bar though. 

Jen and I were sitting enjoying our cold beers Saturday night when suddenly a snazzy dressed fella comes up and says the usual "Hi I'm Retard (Not his real name I just didn't care to remember) what's your name?" 

Then proceeds to ask something else that I couldn't understand: 

"What is fkirahj iajfhiobhu jnionhoh?" 

"WHAT?" I yelled over the blaring music.

"I said what ijfnhjbnhjk huhafi jioahgio?" He says

"DUDE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING" I reply then look at his friend to help out because I could not hear him. 

He gets super close to my ear and says "I asked what background are you?" 

shit.this.again?

What I really wanted to say was "Why would you ask a stranger that, what the fuck is your problem?"

What I really said was "Why would you ask a stranger that, what the fuck is that? Do you go up to strangers all the time and ask them what they are?"

Close enough.

He looked at me like ??? what the ????

Yeah, he didn't. That is what I thought. I was going to try to be nice about it, I forgot I was trying to accept this Asianess. I forgot. So I yelled at him. 

I asked him if people asked him what he was. No? Okay. Point proven, it is fucking rude. 

Oh yeah its purply. My new hair.