What the....

I tend to look at my stats from time to time.


Yes, sometimes the freaks find me, how you ask?
Well just let me share.  


By typing in the following keywords:


"are blow up dolls good for couples"
Sure they are buddy


"brunette blow up doll old man"
Not sure why you would want a brunette blow up doll old man...


"can a fat girl be pimped"
Yes, yes she can 


fat girls getting pimp
Get it girl!!


OH, OH, OH BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!!!
By far this was the best one (warning- dirty talk) 


Cut and pasted from my thingy that tells me the stats. 

What the hell is this? 
I don't know an April. 


Did that whole novel of keywords really get someone to my blog? 
Yes, yes it did.


My blog is not a porn site. 


God damn it. 

Walk

I have been m.i.a.
Apologies. 
Let's not discuss that at this moment, or ever. 


Let's move on with it. 


I graduate soon. 
Soon as in about 22 days and counting. 
It was like a lifetime away. I started so long ago, or so it seems. 
Days are going by so slow, time is mocking me. Incessantly.  


Monday I went to pick up my cap, gown and cord.
A fancy red cord. Oh-la-la. High distinction. 
Not that anyone cares, I just wanted to put that out there because I am proud of me. .


I gathered my big girl graduating items and I pictured my walk. 
You know "THE WALK". 
I might have stood there for numerous minutes smiling into the air on how I will walk onto the stage to snatch receive my diploma. 


I like to assume that I have a sweet swagger or so I think I do. 
Yeah I practiced before. So what. 


I want do that walk like John Travolta on Saturday Night Fever. You know the one.
It's only like the most awesomest walk in the world. 
Uhhhh, I LOVE that walk. Maybe I love it a bit too much. Who doesn't!!!
 It's so seductive and full of fuck yeah's.  


I have made up my mind.
That is the walk I will be doing, as the hobos I bribed off the street cheer for me in the bleachers. 
"WHOOOOA, GO GIRL!" Beggar Billy McBain will be screaming "YEAH ROX!" while JT picks his meth face yelling "YOU DID IT!" The drunk one will be hollering "I NEED A BEER! WHEN YOU GONNA PAY ME!"  I will be called up to the stage doing the leg, hip, sway, bop, leg.

"Staying Alive" will be playing in my head on full blast. I will grab my diploma, shake someones hand, turn smile for the camera and swagger off the stage. BAM done.
It will be remembered. Forever. I will be remembered as that crazy bitch who did some weird walk, or that one chick who almost fell off the stage because she lost her footing. 


*Sigh


Maybe I will just walk up there and get my diploma like a normal person. 

I'm No Expert

I would love to know why some people don't know about condoms.

For instance: Jen discreetly asked me about something that she inventoried not that long ago something by the name of XXL Magnum. 

Word for word, our conversation. 

Jen: What's XXL Magnum condom? 

Me: A massive condom for massive roosters. 

Poor Jen. 

Then today she tells me about getting some non-latex condoms, I tell her go with the Lamb skin condoms.

To which she replies "Lamb what? SKYN arent those non latex condoms"

What the fuck do I look like a condom expert?

Because I am no condom expert. 

I just grab and go. 

GRAB AND FUCKING GO. 


Wrap before you tap is all I'm trying to say. 


All though I do have to say I couldn't stop laughing this one time what's his face put a glow in the dark condom on. It was so glowy. and awesome.