Ban the shit

What in the world are my children watching on t.v.?
My almost 3 year old likes to watch shows that are for a 8-13 crowd.
They are pretty funny too I don't mind him watching ICarly, Victorious  or Big Time Rush (Which is what he is watching as I type this). 

As far as small children shows go...I would like to delete these channels from the lineup so that I shall never witness the bizarre shit that goes on.
I noticed that television shows have gone to shit since I was a kid.
Shows now are super fuckin creepy for children, but they enjoy it for some odd reason.
Maybe because they dont have much of a selection, in any case I hate children shows but am forced to watch them because tantrum throwing Baby D is not fun.
There is nothing worse than watching a cheaply put together show, badly written songs, ugly costumes, suspicious looking older guys that I would never let my children "hang around" with, freaky hands with eyeballs on them its gross (OOBIE)or cartoons that make no sense what-so-ever.

I believe that this world is losing its creative juices. How sad.
Everything is just a re-creation of something that has already been done and if its not its just a show that someone came up with while on some crazy shroom high. 
I was thinking about this because I saw one of these shows last night and wanted to throw up.

We should ban horrible kid television shows. Arrest the creepers and burn the disturbing puppets because I am sick of this weird t.v. my children have access to.

Ladies love the D

Crazy old women. Scratch that.
Crazy drunk old women. 
Ladies love my man. Well usually the older ones. haha. Not bad for a late 30 something year old who looks a lot younger. He is handsome and beautiful to me, and apparently to others.

(Look at my handsome fella, mine ladies go find your own)

He doesn't recognize when ladies toss themselves at him, flirt with him like he is the only man alive,  bat their lashes so hard appears they have a tick, softly touch him in a ohh-la-la kind of way, look at him with goo goo eyes while licking their lips, send him 'hidden' love messages, try to take him home, invite him to the most ridiculous things, buy him things that are inappropriate, he is oblivious to ALL of this!
Ohhhh but best believe I am on to them.
I like to stand back and watch sometimes as Derek doesn't know what to say or do. Funny. He becomes this awkward person who doesn't know how to get out of certain situations.
The other night we went to a bar to watch Los Suns v. The Lakers (great game Suns) we sit and eat pizza drink a couple of beers. Derek was going around taking pictures of people for something him and his buddy are working on. Meanwhile I am just having a dandy time watching the Suns kick ass.
After the game I was ready to leave, I was still in my work clothes and was tired. As usual I had a long two weeks.
Finally we start to go and we walk outside and four older women (I say older and mean in their late 30's early 40's, as I am a lot younger than that thank you very mucho) start calling Derek paparazzi because of his huge camera and picture taking abilities.
I'm behind walking towards the car and one of these old crabby bitches makes this gross noise like"Ooohhii"
then proceeds to say "He is cute, I would like some of that."  WHAAAT? HOLD UP BITACH!
Then...... one of them nasties says "Ill steal him away" after she see's me pass right behind him. I'm like oh no ladies..
p-a-l-e-e-z-e, really steal him from me (hand moving up and down my body)? I don't think so (Finger making the no-no signal).
It actually made me laugh. I laugh out loud and say "I would love to see them try" to Derek. Who of course is ignoring all of his lady fans.
Then I later kicked myself because this could have been a bet easily won.
I could have offered D up to these oldies and betted that he wouldn't have even thought twice about leaving me even for a experienced-vagina-been-through-eight-kids-and-more-men-than-she-can-count ass. Really it was funny. I would have liked LOVED to see them try.
I felt disgusted for him.
Now if these ladies were hotties I would have giggled as Derek doesn't do well in social situations, he probably would have been blushing and sweaty.
Nice try oldies, next attempt I will have to try to catch on camera.

Facebook Obsessed

I'm not talking about myself. I am speaking of those specific people who by some coincidence have no jobs children or careers taking up all of their time instead that is where Facebook would go.

Okay so I had my whole take on Arizona's SB1070 already.

It is shit <----my point of view
Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah <----supporter of the caca 1070

I applaud those that put their opinion out there and share with all of cyber space on how they feel. until....
I get on FB and their is a fuckin 10 paragraph posting on illegals need to be destroyed... and blah blah bullshit.
Look I get it you are passionate about illegals (politically incorrect by the way, lets try undocumented immigrant or how about foreigner?) that need to get the hell out of dodge and how they spend American's hard earned money and the rest of the crap that you speak about everyday ALL OF THE TIME!
I realized people are crazy and obsessed with this shit.
Talk about something else for a fuckin change!
I had to literally hide a certain persons posts because I was tired of scrolling through their posts and feeling like I was reading a fuckin novel on their FB wall or status whatever it is.
Seriously people! Find a hobby, go do something instead of crowding my other friends silly thoughts.
Its like going on AZcentral and after reading an article you have people being stupid (probably living with their mommas in the basement) posting shit that is so moronic I am embarrassed that people think the way they do. GET A LIFE!
You would think in this day in age that we would come out of the dark place that we have been stuck in forever.
We should have a function on FB called "Petition" it would work so that if you get enough friends to petition against your page it would then get tossed out. How sweet would that be?
Overall:
I think people suck.
DAMN YOU FB!!!

Freakin Cops Man!

I finally got to go on my ride along this weekend.
It was interesting, but not as exciting as I thought.
There were no homicides, suicides, big fights, or the like.
Officer J said that I had a ride along curse. Great.
I was with these officers from 2:30 - 11:30 and nothing crazy happened. Bummer!!! WHAT CRAP!
Okay so it was a slow night.
Let me tell you how awesome it was to be in the vehicle when I thought something was about to go down!
Being a Police officer is one job I know I would kick ass at.
Yeah lil me..being a cop!
So there were a few things that I would have liked to have avoided but didn't happen.
For instance...on a domestic disturbance call
We get there and there are about 7 people arguing about god knows what probably drugs or something stupid.
So each officer pulls each party to separate ends and I go with Officer M to see what the hell these 2 ladies are so freakin hyper about. I mean these ladies were bouncing all around the place to get their side of the story out there. They weren't drunk just crazy.
So one of these crazies starts telling M about what happened and she kept on saying "I am supposed to be at a motha fuckin wedding right now!!!" over and over again. Pointing at her dress and stating that she could be at this wedding down tha street. I was starting to get tired of her nonsense.
Then the grossest thing happened....
...
...
wait for it....
...
...
...
She tries to demonstrate what occurred before we pulled up, looks at me and says "I don't know this bitch, don't worry I call everyone bitch" then proceeds to give me a hug then places this nasty ass stanky kiss on my cheek.
I was like what---- the -----fuck just happened? ....
Did she just.................???
Ummm, I think this gross lady placed her god-only-knows-where-her-lips-have-been smackers on my soft, beautiful dimpled cheek.
I thought I was going to be sick.
As I raced back to the suv we were in Officer J hands me a wet nap and I take it and try to scrape the disgusting residue she left on me.
Then we went about our night telling folks to turn down their loud ass music, recovered a stolen vehicle, left a dirty and bloody transient at a bus stop after offering to go to L.A.R.C, pulling a few people over, messing with drunk guys and ending it with dinner at a Mexican food restaurant. 
All in all it was pretty cool.
I am hoping to do it again real soon. Then maybe, just maybe I will see more action than the crap I did on Saturday. Maybe the true criminals decided to go to loud graduation parties instead of committing crimes.
Until next time!

Ride-Along

A while back (sometime last year) I thought that I was going to go on a ride-along with a Phoenix officer....that didn't pan out so well.
Jen actually went on one a few weeks ago and by some random ass miracle we ran into this cop that she went with. Yes we exchanged numbers so that I could finally have the chance to go on one.
So this Saturday I will be out there on the streets with officer shorty J for a full shift.
I am hoping we get someone that tries to pull some Kung-Fu magic out his or her ass and have J tackle them, all though he might need the assistance of his handy dandy taser.
I dont know what to expect but I do know this:
We are going to be in tha ghetto part of Phoenix...yall know what I am talking about: Maryvale.
Maryvale is the equivalent of South Side Phoenix, not pretty. I grew up in a not so nice neighborhood so I know ghetto when I see it.
Better be some crazy shit going on because I do not want to be in a boring ass police car for 8 hours twiddling my thumbs waiting for some action to happen.

If you are going to commit a crime in Maryvale, wait until Saturday so that we can get you!
Im ready! HELLS YEAH.

Keep you posted.

To Early to Get the Party Started?

So on my way home I was talking to Jen on the phone, of course making each other laugh with our usual banter about guys. Its fun what can I say. Laughter makes me feel gooey inside. I especially love the laugh so hard my stomach muscles get the workout of their lives till I’m bent over out of breath laughter. Ahhh that is what we give each other.
I decide that since I did not have school maybe we should go have ‘a’ drink, relax and catch up on good times.
Yes on Wednesday afternoon, one drink couldn’t hurt right? Not to early to start the weekend...I think

I choose this little bar and grill I had been to few years before not too far from our houses. Great choice.
Of course, I pull up and out comes little Ms. Hottie in a cute grey dress w/pumps and I’m in my black pencil skirt with hot ass heels. (Coordinating our wardrobes was not planned)

So we go in and of course, there are guys straight out of work getting their drunk on before heading home to the wife’s. We don’t mind, we take our asses and park them on the bar and order drink numero uno.  I go for the fruity stuff while Jen hits the beer. We are sitting there chit chatting the stories of our lives (we should be a novela) and Mr. bartender sits a couple of shots by our drinks, and says looks like we could use one. Thanks buddy long day. Was a pineapple upside-down thingy or other. Good shit.
Again we are sitting there minding our biz and another shot gets tossed our way this time it was some fruity stuff. Ummm, yeah it was delicious. Mr. Bartender was felling pretty generous. Meanwhile drink numero dos comes my way, I settle with a light beer. Then good lord another freaking shot! Jen finally starts on her second drank as well and away to oblivion we go.

We go outside to smoke a few times and one of the times a guy who called himself “Uncle Aaron” was out there (drunk mind you) smoking and talking to us when the bartender comes out and gives him yet another drink. Because he obviously hasn’t had enough. He is standing there and talking and smoking while holding his beer CLEARLY was way to much multi tasking for him because he starts spilling beer all over the place because he can’t stand still. Beer sloshes back and forth and lands on the floor in a sloppy puddle underneath him. We tell him to drink some so that it will stop he replies with “If I do I will throw up” I then ask who the hell is driving him home he says “I am driving myself”.

You know what this means:

INTERVENTION

 While this is happening this little Mexican with a thick accent sits closely next to Jen and starts talking about a whole lot of nothing. She gives me the “Save me” look, so we go back inside.
We go inside and tell Uncle Aaron’s friends to get their drunken friend, and to find him a ride home. Mission complete.
We go sit at the bar again, another shot! BAMMMM Jen and I start talking about our first fights in school with boys, etc. and little ass Mr. I-Don’t-Get-The-Hint-when-You-Want-Me-to-walk-away (Mr. Latin America) swoops in and sits next to Jen and tries to start a conversation.  Jen does not understand him and he was a little buzzed himself. I tell him in Spanish she does not understand Spanish, so he will get the hint and walk away. No such luck. This is too bad for the little man that I have had enough to drink and was riled up for some ass kicking.
We are sitting at the bar once again having a grand time, when Mr. Latin America comes up and Jen gave him a warning that she is not taking his hook. I then lean on over and tell him to stop that she does not want to talk. He puts his gross little hand on her…OH HELL NO!  I tried to control myself and walk away, with success!!!
Again, we go outside and someone asked if we want them to keep Mr. Latin America away I say yes, before I kick his ass. He was being too aggressive and annoying I wanted to bitch slap him.
We start talking about other stuff when out of no where comes Mr. Latin America! I am like “Look here buddy, if you know what is best you will walk away right now!” My hands start balling into fist at this point and I am sooo getting ready to hike my skirt up to kick the son of a bitch in the throat. He stands there trying to be cool saying he just wants to talk, his friends start calling him over and I tell him again “You really need to walk away before I kick your ass” this is where Jen steps in the middle of us in time because I was about to rip his head off. He finally leaves! Hallelujah!

Look at me all fucking cool trying to kick some guys ass…haha
This was the highlight of the night, as we didn’t get home until we called for a ride around 9ish.
Trust me there was a lot of this and that in between all this craziness. 
Now we are both at work and I wonder when the next time we will have another adventure.
I hope real soon.
I love that girl.

That is just Gross!

I experienced the "Gay way" with some of my 'at the time' friends who were so disgusting.
Let me tell you...
I was only 18 so going out consisted usually of someone older buying us alcohol or going to strip clubs/bars that didn't give a shit if you were 21 as long as you paid enough to get in. Yes this shit happened more often than not. 
Not so much strip clubs because what gay guy likes stripper ass and  labia rubbing on their flaccid male parts? Not many.
At least not the ones I hung out with.
One night while drinking and cruising someone got the hot idea of going to the Adult Boutique since we were old enough to get into these places. Not like we had many choices.
The idea was usually to go in and laugh at all the silly specimens they carried and to poke funny at people that went in. We would stare at them when they turn in a rented movie to embarrass the shit out of them, hardly worked as these people had no shame.

I don't think I was aware of the crazy shit that went on in these types of businesses. Not one bit.
Stupid me agreed to take my friends to a few spots in my car.
So we pull into a shop and even before we walked in I encountered several foul old men trying to get some.  Yes get some, don't act like you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Very unpleasant.
We walk into this place, a very small enclosed place.
In the back of the business it was a dark, smelly place filled with horny men, video's and stalls.
Okay before I go on I will say I really did not know what the fuck these stalls were about until....
One of our friends was really drunk and started to peek into all of the stalls browsing the men. At this point I walked away disgusted. Minutes crept by as did the perverts and I just waited, and waited.
Just when my patience was about to abandon me I go to the back of the shop and pick and pull my friends to get the fuck out of there as I didn't want to get herpes from touching different objects in there.
I couldn't find drunk-ass "Hey let's go the the Adult Shop" anywhere.

Then I spot about 3 to 4 people watching a stall. Standing in the way of the little booth.
I thought "great, found him".
One can only hope that friends use common sense in situations. Not all of them do.
This sick fuck found someone to blow while people lounge around to watch. UGH. I almost peed my pants I was so grossed out. A friend and I had to literally grab him, meanwhile I am yelling like a lunatic how disgusting that shit was, we had to drag his wretched ass out of there.
Best thing was HE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE!

We went to another shoppe before this but this was by far the craziest it got! 

After this incident, I never ever will take a horny gay friend to an adult shop. Especially one with a theater and/or theater stalls. Fucking sick.

Look I don't care what you sick puppies do with your lives, but when I am driving you best get the fuck in or have one of your repugnant guys take your ass home. Can you say Scandalous!

Please Refrain

While it has been said over and over, I still happen to notice that Ed Hardy is still popular.
When did selling trendy (at the time) clothing sprout into watches, clocks, flip-flops, belts, jackets, swim wear, perfumes, hell even curling irons! If you can make it I'm sure Ed Hardy had a version of it. This shit is still all over the fuckin place, like a bad permeated smell.
Even children can to be Hardy babies.

Why would you though? Please tell me mommy's that you do not want you child to grow up and become a 40 year old bachelor always on the prowl for young hottie while trying to seem 20 years younger while wearing some shit like E.H.
You would have thought after this trend ran a muck and died that douche bags would have quit their bad habits.
Yeah I have my cheesy bad habits as well:
I drink Starbucks because that shit is delicious bitches!
I read trashy magazines/blogs, because they entertain me.
I watch trashy telly i.e. The Hills because I like to. The list goes on and on..


Now I noticed another trend starting to rank high on my "Who and why the fuck are you wearing that shit" list.
You know what I am talking about..(here is a hint 90 % of people at UFC fight's were them.)
You got it! Affliction shirts.
OK, St. Pierre can get away with it, but PLEASE PEOPLE. PLEASE REFRAIN!
I just don't get it.
If you have it does not mean I want it. I used to be that person who always wanted the cool shit, but growing up poor did not give me any advantage in coming up on any nifty shit. I grew out of that and wanted to be my own person that had her own sense of fucked up style.

Come on guys get with the freakin program and buy shirts that fit and don't make you look douche baggish.
Women don't like that, wait strike that. Trashy women like that but if your looking for something a little classier lose the threads and buy some real fuckin clothes.

What is Going On?

I'm okay decent looking. I won't lie. 
Not the best looking out of all my friends.
Okay! not even the top 5, but fuck I'm not grotesque!
Yes I have great skin.
Probably not in the best shape of my life but I'm not morbidly obese.
So what if I don't get hit on but all two times or so every six months. SO WHAT!!!!!
But when it happens, it calls for some of the best stories ever. Thank you very fucking much!
So this little gem I have been saving until spring semester ended. BWHAHAHAHA.
I survived another semester!!!!.

It all started in one of my classes, NO I'm not going to tell you which one.

First thing first, the person I will be speaking of is pretty much married has children, is semi-overweight (that is when he has the belly overhang), he is pretty creepy, and lastly not attractive in the least.
Anyhiddle, so I am in this class of mine just sitting there thinking of how to complete the work in front of me when I realize I needed a fresh sheet of paper from my notebook, so I look for one and tear it out. Meanwhile, the class is pretty quiet (Hello everyone is doing their work!) when my teacher/professor/what ever the fuck you call them in college says aloud:
Teacher: Wow, you sure do that  fancy
Whoa there cowboy! 
I look up and see that he is talking to me.
Me: What are you talking about? 
Teacher: The way you tore the paper out was really animated. (accentuated for the way he said it) 
Me: ????.... What do you mean?
He then gestures as to how he saw me tear the paper out my notepad...oooohhhkay!.
Okay, thank you for letting the class know how I got my paper, all extravagant with a flick of my wrist.

This was strange, but I let it go.

Week later.

I was not having a good day, at all. I missed a class and he was teaching us something new that I wasn't comprehending. AND my daughter was suspended that week, so I was not in a happy mood.
The end of class arrives and he comes over and asks me to stay for a couple of minutes because he wanted to speak with me......ohh great. What did I get myself into? 

 He pulls me over and someone from his next class walks in and he tells them nicely to step out for a minute.
This must be serious.
As soon as she walks out he asks me if everything was ok. ????? I say "Yes, why?" He tells me that he noticed my attitude was sour that past week.
Do you show much concern with other students, or just the ones you stare at all the time?
I just tell him I didn't get the work he gave us and that it was shit. Yes I said shit to him. Because it was shit.
So I leave thinking he must really pay attention to me if he noticed my bad ass week, whatevs.

Next time in class...

I'm sitting in class again doing my work (as always!), when teacher asked a question (can't remember, not important)
I answer with a "Yes sir!"
He replies "Ohhh, I like that." *Said in a slow deep voice
Again, silence in the class. Did anyone hear that?.... ANYONE?
Ummmm.....
........
........

Does anyone else in here feel a bit awkward or is it just me? I think.
It stays quiet for a long while after this little comment.
Leaving this class, I wasn't sure what to think. That was queer!
Just the way that he said it..ugh I could still hear him now.

I had asked someone in class if they caught that comment and they didn't!
Okay I know I am not being paranoid, but this guy is strangely attracted to me or just likes the way I talk and pull paper out my notebook.

I forgot to mention, he has a annoying habit of looking at the ceiling when he talks. He will say a few words looking at us then stare up off into space. I and a few others poked fun at this from the beginning.
So one of the last classes I had he was giving us directions for completing one of the final assignments...guess what he was doing while talking???

A. Talking off into space as usual
B. Speaking with his eyes closed
C. Talking and starting at me like I was the only person in the class/universe or
D.  Smiling at everyone and giving them equal attention

Drum roll please..........
and the answer is.............. C!!!
What the fuck?
Did I give this creeper some hint that I am lonely and need attention? I FUCKIN HOPE NOT.

I feel gross after talking about this.
I need to go wash my hands now.

Taboos

Reading the news has to be one of the most depressing things in this world.
Only focus on the negative shit out there and not doing enough to bring light to any goodness. This shit sucks.
And I will say this even though it sounds dumb: My heart and soul hurt every time I come across something bad that has happened, especially when it comes to children. I really hurt.
No I am not a crazy person, hell I'm not even religious. I'm damaged from this world.
Just yesterday I briefly scanned through the local news website and saw that some Russians ate a girl "Because they were hungry".....UMMM WTF? WOW.  
Go buy a fuckin chicken if your so hungry!
Bizarre shit.
In America there are taboos that are the norm in other countries. We just have our own ways here.
Several include:
The 60 year old man that marries a 12 year old for some goats or something equally similar.
Yet here in the U.S. your ass will get fucked up in prison if your an adult having sex with someone under 18. Pedophilia.
Most people don't even think about this stuff, it comes across my mind sometimes. I just wonder what others think about this.
 
Another taboo that I have noticed has a lot to do with death. We here in America do not see ghastly/gory pictures regarding death. Yes there are films on sick shit like that i.e. Face of Death but not publicly.
I have to say I watched all about 2 to 3 minutes of one of these films and I will tell you, it haunts me still. It is some of the most morbid sickest shit ever. Do people get turned on by this? I think im going to puke....


Yet, in Mexico I know for sure they plaster that shit all over the front pages of magazines like we do celebrity weight loss secrets. They have nothing to hide, we do not live in a pretty world where everything is perfect and they don't try to hide that fact. We live in a bizarre world, no question.

Polygamy is another taboo that goes on in Colorado City. Big Love on HBO portrays this on the tube. Even though I love this show, I find this taboo to be non threatening until some young child finds herself in the hands of some sexed crazed elder.

People are scared of everything. From gays, to death, porn, to abortions. If we were raised to believe that all of this was normal would our view of things people do or who they are change?


Porn? Yes porn...People are scared to view sex as an activity but more as a chore. It is a big NO-NO to have porn (If you are married to some prudish lady), I say fuck that!

Sorry didn't mean to get all deep or anything. Just ranting again. I find taboos to be interesting. You can keep hiding everything the general doesn't want you to talk about but there will be people like me who's minds can never have enough.

Until next time!