Ill-Mannered

I fucking swear some bitches love to test me.
Sunday afternoon Derek and I decided to get out of the house and go somewhere. I choose the mall, just because. (I wanted to see if I could hunt down some bad ass shoes.)
We walk around for a little and of course I go into a store to try some clothes on.
I have no problem leaving Derek and Baby D at the little playground thing that they have there as I go in search of some cute clothes.
That and let's face it you can never have to many shoes.
Clothing is despensible but shoes are not. It takes a lot for me to give away or toss shoes. I mean shoes have to be at thier maximum wear or not fit me at all in order for me to say bye. IT IS SOO HARD. But I do it from time to time.
As most of my shoe collection finds its way into my car, my trunk, all over the bedroom, in the living room and even in the office. I know, its a problem.
But enough about my little habit.
So while walking about and sort-of window shopping I walk into a shoe store I can't even remember the freaking name of and spot these cute peep-toe shoes and ask the chattering ladies at the counter to find my size. Nope, to much of a good thing is sometimes not good as they didnt have my size. Why the fuck does this happen to me? I find a perfectly fine pair of heels that would look adorable with my pencil skirt and they don't have my size????GRRRRRRR. FUCK!
Here is another to add to my list of things I hate and get me angry.

So I leave the store, no new shoes in hand. Disappointment.
That's okay on to the next.
Great I saw a Bakers in the direction I was going, and you know they have some cute shoes even though they aren't always the most comfortable, I tell you what we women do for a good shoe.

I walked in happy at the thought of perhaps getting some good shoes. Jackpot.
I browse and browse some more pick up a few heels, look around, pick up another pair, glance around again, pick up another pair, again glance around....hmm wtf?
HELLO? There were two bimbo bitches working and not once did they look in my direction.
Was it because I had no make-up on or wasn't wearing high-heels? Or was it because I was mexican?
Either fucking way not once was I greeted, nor was I helped.
I was sooo fucking mad when I realized these 2 bitches were being rude. Brandon was trying to climb the little seat they had in there and I told him to get off so we could get the hell out of there since no one wanted to help me.

Guess what I did instead of yelling at these two cretin's who had no sense of customer service or sales?
I sent the corporate office a email that read:

Sunday afternoon I walked into a Bakers at the Arrowhead mall in Arizona around 4:00 p.m.
Never has it happened where someone never greeted me upon going into a store as such. I was in the store for more than 5 minutes and not only was I not greeted but I wasn't acknowledged at all. I wasn't asked if I needed help with getting a shoe in my size. Neither of the 2 workers in there turned my way once. There was a blond girl and a brunette there were working at the time that I walked in. The blonde thought it was more important to clean the windows than to greet just another person. I didn't realize that her preoccupation with this task was to much to say "Hello". This rudeness has lead them to one less customer and a very dissatisfied person. I have never felt so humiliated when trying to buy shoes. My fiance thought the same as he was with me when I went into this location. He thought I should send a complaint and so here it is. I suggest that you give these young ladies training in customer service instead of trying to look pretty at the front desk. I hope this complaint gets to the manager of that location and if one of these ladies was the manager I suggest you get a new one. They were just rude!
Roxann

SO THERE, FUCK YOU BAKERS BITCHES!
I hope I come across you when I have no child in my care so I can tell you how bad-mannered you are in the loudest voice I can muster. Maybe you'll be so lucky and not have a shoe shoved in your rear end. Don't tempt me to go in there and fuck up all your display's of footwear.

I accept apologizes and a small discounts, yes that will do just fine. Thank-you-very-much.

Emails

I emailed a friend yesterday to see how he was doing since we don't really see each other often. 
This short email became a monstrous email full of pictures of dreadlocks, ugly cars and mansions of Popsicle sticks. 
How the hell did that happen? I don't know but me and him have some really interesting things on our mind. Creative or just stupid? I don't know but it sure was funny. 


Being a smart ass that I am I decided to email my bosses and let them know that I was going to be out on the 9th for my trip with my honey buns Jen. 


This is how the email went:


ME: Managing supervisors of the Receptionist,
I plan to be out of town on July 9, 2010. There is one meeting that is going on that day. We can designate (Atty name is anonymous)  as the coffee maker if need be, I hear he makes great coffee. This is to let you know beforehand that I will not be in that day.
Thanks
Rox


One of the smart ass attorneys that I work for replies: 
We will have to have a partnership meeting to discuss this and then we have to vote. Or you can just give me that snickers bar and I can make sure you get that day off!
Steve* name changed to protect the innocent

ME: Bribing is not my style BUT if you convince the others to give me the day off then I will make it a bottle of Orbitz or a David Archuleta cd your pick.
Rox

Smart Ass Steve:  Snickers bar OR you are working for sure.
Steve

ME: OR I have two other options:
1) I could get someone who close resembles me to be my stunt double for that day.
2) I could make my own Rox using wax and cheap clothes…where can I find a wig with beautiful hair?
Rox

Smart Ass Steve: Snickers Bar.

ME:Fine!
Here I will give you 4 Snickers just for the trouble.

Rox
Smart Ass Steve: Real snickers. Just one.

ME: 

This candy is not fictional.
Rox

Steve: Now you are upsetting me.

This ended our email conversation.
Since I had a Snickers bar handy I decided to open it up and start munching, I forgot to tell Steve that he needed to call someone so I walked over to his desk while eating Snickers and calmly ask if he called. I did not realize that the wrapper of my candy was showing, but Steve did. He said he saw how it was and that this was war. I told him "Nah, I'm just going to work that day, no biggie".  ;) 


People I am not working that day, maybe the non-fictional Mr. Snickers will find out about this and send him a box of his siblings. Or a box of empty wrappers. Good luck with that Steve. 

Childish Games

Yesterday morning I got up looking for a black socks, and alas no pairs!
Made me think of the time when myself,  sister and cousins fucked up a whole tub of good socks to play a game we all thought was awesome.


When I was about 11 or 12 I had this strong feeling that I was just like my family therefore I should always imitate and be around them all of the time. 
This proved to be wrong. 
We had to occupy our time with objects around the home place. We got creative. 


One of these games consisted of placing vast amounts of socks on our feet to see who could get the most on, then get up and try to walk around. Little did we know that we were cutting off the circulation to our precious dirty feet but more alarming was that we managed to stretch out our big tub of clean socks. At the time I didn't think it was a big deal until I ran out of socks that fit because the bands that were busted and I was stuck with socks that slid off my feet. This was one of my favorite games. It hurt like hell when we put all of the sockies on our feet we would stop because we couldn't stretch out anymore socks on the cast of clothing that almost gave us Peripheral vascular disease. My mom was furious when she saw that all if not most of our socks were expanded beyond repair. She yelled. We laughed and ran away. We suffered with soggy socks.  


Another game we played was throwing our boy cousin into our closet and having him change into something in the complete dark, all while listening to The Box (channel 58) music videos.
He once came out with my older sisters bathing suit, that was a priceless memory. I tried bringing this up in our not to long ago reunion from his getting out of prison...didn't go over to well. He was mad about something he did while he was a child. I laughed and reminded him. He gave me the look of death. I still laughed. 


Growing up in a household with your mom, her husband, my sisters, my aunt, her children ...and possibly others, there were times when we had to be creative with our assortment of foods. We made up contests to see who would eat what. There was never a prize other than a sore asshole from diarrhea, abdominal pains or puke, I did not like to participate in these contest but they were fun to watch. One contest was to see who could eat the most jalapeños raw. My cousin won with 3 before heading off to the kitchen to get some water for his burning mouth.  It was funny as hell to see the look of panic when the burn finally punched him in the throat. 


Ahhh, good memories. See that's why as a parent I know to keep my sucklings busy and to keep enough food in stock. 

Taking Action

Next time my anger boils over I will be thinking of all the shit that has pissed me off since the last time I have gotten into a physical altercation. Long ago by the way.
Things such as:

• the shitty printer at work that never wants to work
• work computer who wants to be a prick by not letting the audio work
• the pimple that didn't go away for weeks a few months back
• the movie The Goods: Live hard, Sell hard - such a waste of fucking time
• the asshole who parked to close to me in the parking garage 
• Los Suns v. Lakers - I had a sliver of hope....that was doomed
• forgetting my phone at home
• Mr. cricket in my cabinet
• low battery on the vibrator
• broken a/c in my VW in the Arizonian heat or broken car all together
• slow drivers
• BIG FAT LIARS
• the shit that sat in the toilet for hours and smelled up my sanctuary - thanks alot Derek                               
• The list is almost infinite with its contents...

Yes I will be thinking about all of this while donkey kicking a bitch. (I am not sure what that is but may include genital piercing and a shot of vodka...if it is then sign me up!)

I know that when I am in a foul mood I am looking and waiting for someone to fuck with me. Never happens. NEVER. Now, when I feel all chipper then and only then does someone wants to break my dandy ass mood. I don't like to mess up my aura that day so I skip out on the ass kicking.

                                                     Do I look like an ass kicker? Probably not. 

I have always wanted to punch the snot out of someone for looking at me wrong, and while alot of people look at me wrong I have deterred from punching away.

My precious fingers deserve to play. I have been withholding for to long.

Here is one occasion I diverted my fighting ability skills on a bitch:

Jen and I went to Sandbar for a few drinks. Jen was getting hit on by unattractive men, I was drinking my brew. I glanced at my phone a few times. Then my thoughts of why no one texts me was interrupted by some woman who wasn't to unattractive. She asked me how it was going. As me sitting there staring into space wasn't apparent enough, I told her "fine" to make small chat. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. I pointed to my diamond ring and said yes. Her drunk friend comes out of left field behind me. Her (Drunk-ass) friend says "Your ugly anyway bitch!" while stumbling around. I was too shocked at the revelation that I was ugly for this lesbian to answer immediately. They walked away. I was confused. Me and Jen laughed. It was funny.
See I could have crumbled that cunt's cookie box instead I let her drunk ass walk away hair intact.
Damn it. Never again Jenny. Never again!

Pest Control

Certain times of the year we get all sorts of pests through out the household and it is so fucking gross.
Every stinking summer, out come the black windows in abundance like you wouldn't believe...but what is worse than theses little buggers are the crickets. Loud ass crickets I may add.
Last year they would get into the house and come night time we would hear chirping from all corners of the house.
Why do these fuckers like MY bathroom so much? No not the living room, my children's rooms...but my bathroom! Right next to where I sleep!
I would have Derek do a walk-through and he would get about 3 to 5 every night and he is annoyingly sweet by tossing them outside instead of smashing them with a shoe as I would do if I wasn't such a pansie.

You see I have a major phobia of bugs but mainly roaches, particularly big roaches.
Ahhhh, just talking about them freaks me out.
I think this stemmed from a time growing up when I slept on the floor (we were poor) and I recall having big roaches crawl on me.....AHHHHH.
One time something got into my ear in the middle of the night and I could hear the legs moving around. (I'm having nervous flashbacks as I type this) It hurt like hell. I cried to me mom to get it out!
My mom just put some oil in my ear and I fell asleep crying. When I woke up and didn't hear the noise anymore...must have drowned the fucker out. I was to scared to stick my finger in my ear to check.
THEN my oldest sister told me that someone she knew had a bug in their ear and had to go to the doctor to have the carcass removed from their ear canal piece by piece...don't know if this is a true story or if she just wanted to be a cunt.
I slept with earplugs from that moment on every time I slept on the floor.
Bugs creeped me out but this was the episode where I was now terrified of them.

This got worse as I got older.

My older sister thinks it is the funniest thing in the world. Bitch.

I will kick someones ass, but I cannot, will not touch or get near a big cockroach. I refuse.
If I spot one no matter where I will hightail it out of there like I saw the boogeyman himself.

One day while cleaning the house my sister called me into a room and tells me to bring the broom, so off I go broom in hand. She decides to wait until I am in close proximity before telling me there is a big roach right by me.
So like a mad woman I start swinging away at nothing, until it pops out and starts running up the wall by me, my sister starts yelling at me to smash it with the broom so I start yelling at the top of my lungs AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........while kicking my legs around to make sure that nothing gets on me.
I trap it in a corner and start crying like a big baby because I don't want to do it....I can't do it....my sister starts laughing her ass off as if it is some big fucking joke.
I let go of the broom and tell her to do it I can't while sobbing my ass off barely catching my breath because I was crying so hard. I yell at her wishing to get away from the location.
Never in my life have I felt so fucking gross, sick, scared, anxious, terrified all at the same time over something so trivial. I just can't do it. They are sick! SICK, SICK, SICK!

She still tells people about this happening. I could have smashed her face in after the roach with the broom but I couldn't go back into the room until I knew that "it" was gone.

Pests..I could live without them. This is why pest control will be at my casa this weekend, to rid me of the ants and crickets that take up occupancy in my cabinets.

Early this morning I was woken up by my new cricket alarm clock. 4:35 a.m. this asshole cricket decides to sing louder than usual, I had to tell myself  'this is just until Saturday, go back to sleep'.

I think they know my secret. My phobia perfume must be overwhelming to them.
Ill say my goodbye's Saturday morning for these guys as they will be going to pest hell!

Me, Myself and I

I think speaking to my self aloud or in my head is normal.
Right?
People do it all the time while cooking, cleaning, driving, making love, on the throne, doing laundry, watching tv, sitting at work, you know all the time. Or so I would like to think hahaha


I have a habit of telling the people in the slow ass car in front of me to move it even though I know damn well they can't hear me, I just hope they notice the frustration fuming from my eyes enough to know better and get the fuck out of the way.
Other scenario is me actually yelling at the top of my lungs "GET THA HELL OUT OF THE WAY! Old people!" while rolling my eyes and honking, then passing them and seeing that they are in fact old timers. Well you know what .....they should stay out of the drivers seat as far as I'm concerned or get tossed aside by my beetle.

Just when does it become unhealthy to talk to just you?

I happen to be creative so I like to make different scenarios up all of the time. I did so just last night as I was buying a gift for Derek for daddy's day, because let's face it he is the best of the best.
I saw someone who grossly resembled my ex from the back, so I told myself...play it cool, he won't notice you...as I get my goodies and try to get the heck out of there...I say...okay if that is him DO NOT look at his face or fat girlfriend for that matter..if it is him ignore and act like you are on the phone if that doesn't work then act like you forgot something else you wanted and walk in the other direction....so I walk....walk....damn I just looked!!!!!...Phew! Wasn't him. Damn Rox you sure are stressed out about nothing.

Let's get the hell out of here now (yes I say let's like I am two). All of this with nothing actually said aloud.

Another instance was when I was driving to school on the freeway, radio bumping some Nonpoint (they kick ass by the way) singing out loud (EVERYONE does this and if you say you don't your a big fucking LIAR!) I sing some parts and then stop just in case other people in cars around me actually hear my nails-scratching-chalk-board voice. I get off the freeway and lower that shit because who likes to see a Hispanic woman with loud ass rock music playing, head bobbing up and down, slapping her steering wheel... looks wrong but I love it. Behind me I spot a hottie in his Honda.....I say out loud "Damn he is cuuuuute!" like there is someone there to agree and support my claims to hotness. Normal or not?
I entertain myself this way...this talking to myself.
Now if you start talking to Satan or the leprechaun from your Lucky Charms cereal box that may not be healthy and you should seek the help of a professional.

Haha..i'm not crazy I just like me. And I enjoy talking to me.

Vacation or Not?

My girlfriends plan on taking a trip away from our lives in a month and it is kind of last minute-can-I-get-away?-kind-of-thing. It is making me sad that I may not have a chance to go due to Escuela. That is school for you non-spanish speaking fools.
Hell yeah I want to go on this trip..shit I need to go. I'm sure you are sick of my bitching about going on vacation by now but what you you going to do about it?? Not a damn thing.
I just want to travel but have no means in which to do so.
BUT! If my memory serves correctly I think I remember Derek saying.....and I quote "You can't take care of other's if you can't take care of yourself". I think I might use this little gem to "take care" of myself if you know what I'm saying. (wink, wink) Vacation is just some relaxation time that I need to clear my mind, soul and spirit of any bad energy that has been following me around like like a bad temporary tattoo that needs to be washed off.

Anyways.

So while looking up the best prices for a hotel/condo/house/cardboard box to spend our lady trip at I Googled "Best Cheap Vacation Prices"...because let's face it I am cheap.
I work people!.. and somehow this is not enough to be paying for house expenses, 3 children..make that 4 since Derek is toddler sized, car repairs, school tution/books, food, shoes, bills, credit card payments ...well you get my drift. (You like how I tossed shoes in there inconspicuously)
So being a bargaining bitch that I am I Google and research tha shit out of hotel rooms to try and find the best. I don't want to stay in a shitty ass hole either, just because I'm being frugal does not mean I should expect to stay in a crappy place.
I have standards people. Standards that need to be maintained.

Back to my point.

So while surfing the cyber community space I viewed several sites....many to choose from by-the-way.
My eyes were becoming crossed with all of the information thrown in my face!
Cheap/Best vacation prices listed thousands of sites, I went to a review site to see what others had to say.
One comment on a board spoke of Bookit.com which I in turn decide to Google since I have never heard of this site and the guy said it was one of the best.
As I typed it in, it automatically pulled up a number of other sights that usually get searched. They start coming up like Bookit.com scams; Bookit.com reviews, Bookit.com coupon code....etc.
I hit the scam button because let's get real I don't want to be scammed just as much as the next Jane.
Piles of complaints from folks all around place..Ohh oh. NO BUENO.
Maybe we shouldn't go that route.
So while on the same page I read on the bottom of the Google search: expedia scams, Orbitz scams, Travelocity scams, BLAH BLAH BLAH...
It made me realize one thing....

People are really fucking stoooopid (intentionally spelled incorrectly for use of the oooooo sounds like u dragged out). Or there sure are A LOT of asshole scammers out there.

Before I go on I have to say to you ignorant people: Take a good look at the fine print before you punch in your information. It's like the dumb asses who get on Ebay thinking they got a phone for 29.99 and when it comes in it is only the phone cover that they got. BWAHAHAHA.....Cry me a river you stupid fuck. You should have read the info before impulsively buying until your hearts content.

Moving on...

I am trying to do this whole internet thing without being scammed..all though it seems inevitable that in the near future I will be consumed by my hearty shoe shopping addiction and be scammed by the many bozo creeps/corporations out there.

Erroneous!!!!!!

I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping that, that someday never comes.

Now about that vacation..San Diego sure sounds appealing right now. Fuck it let's do it ladies.
Cocktails galore await us.

Keep It Clean

I always thought that using common sense was intuitive to everyone.
I suppose that is to much wishful thinking. Damn it!
While out with my girls this weekend and some other weekends for that matter I noticed one thing about women that I find positively revolting.
You will know what I am talking about ladies when I ask: Do you know how to use a toilet and if you do why don't you use it correctly?
That goes without saying same for men. Trust me on this shit I have been in mens restrooms when I cannot hold it in and there is a line 10 deep for women. I go in sneakily but go in nonetheless.

So while out and about ladies looking hot dancing, flirting, drinking, don't forget to shit at home!
And if you really need to shit please, please I cannot stress this enough FLUSH the motha-fucking toilet!
Even if is just a little urine, just flush. Flush with a bit of tissue, flush with your hand, flush with your shoe if you really don't want to touch the handle. Electric flusher is great but not all establishments can afford that luxury so if your toilet does not flush when your ass lifts from the seat then you know that you have to manually do it.
Why can't I ever go out and have a clean toilet? Free of debris and splashes? WHY?
I'm sure you (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) don't do that shit at home, why feel the need to be disgusting in public?
I don't get it.

Right way: Pull down pants, pee while hovering or sit on the actual bowl, do your business, wipe, throw soiled paper in toilet or trash, FLUSH, be on your merry way.
Wrong way: Pull down pants/pull up skirts halfway, pee all over the fucking place, splash on the floor/ lid and bowl, don't wipe (I don't care if you get a UTI bitch) or toss your shit paper on the floor, then walk out of there without flushing. UGHHHH.
Now if you are going to poop in public do the courtesy flush so you wont smell up the place!

We have all done it, the hurry up and shit while out in the world. Sitting on the throne wishing that we were in the comfort of our own home to relax and read a magazine. the beauty of privacy.

Women who don't flush or women who wipe and smear that shit everywhere I want to let you know that others have to clean up your mess.
We should have signs posted: If you make a mess we will find you and make you clean it!
Brilliant! Daaaaaamn i'm good.
Personally if it is a seedy place I will hover no matter how drunk I am, I sometimes splash depending on how full my bladder is...I still get toilet paper and wipe all around the seat, how courteous am I????
We can't all be like me, but we can try to keep toilets from looking like port-o-potty's.
They flush folks!
Sometimes you just cant hold it I know. Take wipes with you, trust me on this one.
I love wipes, even baby wipes..shit I don't care I love a clean ass. Dry paper does not cut it when you need to poo.
I suggest these babies:

Works wonders on ones ass.
AND THEY ARE FLUSHABLE...unless you are in a place that has shitty ass water pressure.
No matter where the place is located you will always have someone who will fuck it all up and try to flush their pad or dirty undies down the toilet. Quit that shit or go home!

Stop clogging the shitters and wipe the fucking seat. Let's keep it clean people!!!!

Getting Down at Wendy's

Stories from my childhood/teenage years burst into my mind sometimes out of nowhere.
Other times something triggers my flashbacks.
Yesterday's flashback is brought to you by Wendy's. The old fashioned hamburgers joint.

Just the smell of the fries reminds me of how ghetto my family is can be. Not that I am in anyway what-so-ever.
Anywho...while growing up, my mother has been somewhat of a defender of her children but not as aggressive as my aunts. Them crazy women would go to their kids schools whenever my cousins said their teachers were being "mean" and get into yelling matches on campus...embarrassing. So for the first time in my life I finally saw the aggressiveness that was buried very deep to emerge from the woman who brought me into this world. This is the story.

This incident must have happened when I was about 13 or 14...not sure.
I was in my yeah-i'm-skinny-I-can-wear-short-shorts-whenever-I-want stage.
I was really thin, about a size 1 or so and I just like wearing short shorts. I mean its not like we live in Alaska or anything. It was fucking hot in Arizona. F-U-C-K-I-N-G   H-O-T!!!!
Nothing has changed its still fucking hot.
Well this day my mother wanted to go eat at Wendy's so we went my sisters and all.
There we were waiting in line to order when in comes blob thing with her two daughters and stand behind us to wait in line.
I remember standing there looking at the menu when I hear my sister whisper to me "They keep on staring at you!!!" I looked at her and was like "Who?" Her eyes went to the area these ladies were standing and I said "Who care's? Let them stare." Pssshhh!
I didn't pay attention as I was thinking only about the food I was going to devour!
We order, get our food and finally sit and eat.
The store wasn't full in anyway so there were seats galore.
Guess where Blob Thing and her teens parked it? Yea....your guessed it right by us where they had a front row seats in viewing my ass...or lack thereof.
We start eating and again my sister says something about the lady and her two daughters that keep staring.
I look over and there they were looking at me like I was a big, juicy filet mignon. I mean really fucking staring.
Really? Bitches eat yo food and quit looking at me! Cause I know you hungry.
So then my usually quiet mother blurts out "Roxann pull up your shorts a little higher I don't think they have enough to look at...Lesbians".....
..
haha...
..
What?
Oh man.
Lady looks at us and snickers. She must have muttered something that my mom saw because next thing you know my mom says in a loud voice "Do you have a problem BITCH?"
OOOHHHH SNAP!
Mother of these teens says "What??!!, excuse me?!" Trying to act like she didn't know what was going on.
Mother: You have been staring at my daughter!
Blob thing: No we haven't!
My sister insists "Yes you have ever since you walked in here!"
Oh shit is about to go down in this motha-fuckin Wendy's!
I forgot to mention this lady was about two of my mom, glasses, frizzy hair you know the type.
They start talking smack over to us meanwhile, I am so embarrassed and I just want to eat and leave...all of this for poor lil me and my stupid short shorts?
My sisters start instigating telling my mom all kinds of shit.
Piggy gets up and says something stupid, my mom gets up and says "You wanna take this shit outside? I'll kick your fucking ass!"

Yes...my mother said this.

You should have seen the look on this ladies face. priceless.
Maybe she thought my mom wasn't the type to speak up, we were both wrong on this one.
I wanted to get the hell out of there, I didn't think it was a big deal...shit let them stare.
Arguing ensues...I fear we will get kicked out....thankfully we all just went our separate ways.
Don't know how that was mastered but we did it, we left without incident.

Despite the stories of her younger fighting days I don't know if I wanted to see my mom fight a lady twice her size in the parking lot of a Wendy's.
Really! Would you?

Presentations make me sick! Literally.

While in class last night I get a text from a dear buddy (Xoch) I haven't hung out with in a long while. Or so it seems like a long while, might be a long while, im sure it has been a little longer than a while...anyway she texts me and asks to go out on Friday..What!!!! Me go out with friends?!!!!

You already know my answer! 

This is how our texting back and forth went:

Xoch-oodles: Hola amores, thinking a girls night out is much needed (DITTO) I want to proposed Friday night if possible. We can go to bar or something chill..or beat bitches up, whatever's clever..lol

Me: Yes mam, would love it. (Remember yall I am in class right now so my answer had to be short and sweet all though I would have loved to do the second of the two...I figured hanging out with our faces intact will do just fine) 

Xoch-oodles: Sweet. K well k.i.t on time (Don't know what this means, anyone??) Prob work full day, so text ya on when to meet, cool? 

Me: Okey Dokey hopefully I don't have lots of homework.

Xoch-oodles: Please don't. I will email your teachers with death threats :) 

How sweet is that girl?

I get so excited when the possibility of hanging out with my girlfriends arise. 

So while sitting and waiting to do my presentation I keep glancing at my phone waiting for any other exciting texts.

None come. 

I quickly forget about my phone and start to feel nauseatingly sick because how close we are getting to do our presentations. I thought,... will I make it to the bathroom if need be? It wasn't that far. Geez!

Before this panic mode starts on me I think to myself that I will be fine, shiiiiiiit I took a mutha-fuckin speech class where I had to get up in front of 25 students and make speeches for a whole semester. 

Well it didn't quite work out that way....

Instructor asked who wanted to start, thank the gods that someone else volunteered to go first. Hells yeah!

First guy goes up and this poor man is standing there hands shaking like he has had to much coffee or is having a bad alcohol withdrawal, face is red and he is shaking the whole time but he finishes.

Remember he is the first one up so then come the questions based on how you answered to your situation, and you have to stick with it and believe what you say or else you end up like this tard. 

Class fuckin grilled him so bad his face looked as if it was about to burst, he started stuttering a bit and back tracked on his answers..I felt bad.

I thought Oh crap i'm next....

I felt like I was going to hurl in my bag. I mean that feeling you get after a night of boozing you don't realize it until you lay down sick. I had this incredible fear of looking retarded and sick-to-my-stomach. To make matters worse it was about 8:00 p.m. last thing I ate was at noon...you do the math. 

I was hungry, nervous, sweaty, edgy and worried that I was going to pass out if they did that shit to me. 

Thankfully I didnt go after this guy, but same thing happened to the next ladies hands they kept on shaking I was like how can she read that shit if it is shaking so badly? She pulled through and no one asked her tough questions. Hmmm...Maybe I could get away with that. 

Then came my turn. shit. oh no. ok you got this. breathe. relax. breathe. relax. breathe. don't breathe to hard you will lose consciousness. alright let's do it. Got my legs working to stand up there and did it. 

I think it went pretty well. Considering. 

The instructor thought I did good and he is a tough ass. One girl's question was "Do you work for the police department? It sounds like you know a lot" haha good one. I said "Not yet". 

Ohhhh.... I left out the part where my voice started breaking at the end. Quivery vocals. Fucking great. What? My throat was parched. severely!

What was I to do? Stop and ask for a drink? 

Anyway, I stuck with my opinions and clabbered down any crazy people that tried to out do me with their crazy questions. I'm no weenie. See I did it. 

Next time I will have to prepare somehow. Damn you tremor voice! 

Baby D on Mom Being Mad

For the first time in a while Derek finally picked me up for lunch.

Very sweet. Wish we did it more often. 

So on our lunch date he tells me that he heard the funniest thing today from our genius son.

Then goes on to say that he really didn't want to tell me so I force him to by giving him the eye. 

You see D has been working on some signage thing or other for a bar, been trying to work on it anyway. 

While he was at home with baby D in the morning he was trying to be creative and find some hot chicks in bathing suits to be on the digital sign. Its for a bar as you may not understand so he googled away. 

Meanwhile, baby D is on the ground next to him presumably coloring away according to daddy. 

Derek was so engrossed in his "search" for hotties he didn't realize that baby D was watching him.

So while images popped up of bikini laden ladies Derek hears baby D say "Mom's going to get mad, Daddy" while staring up at the screen. 

Thank you very much son. I appreciate the fact that you acknowledge my existence in your fathers world. 

Imagine that, my little 2 year old baby telling daddy to watch what he views because of mommy's feelings. 

Not that I care what he does on the computer, Derek said it was the funniest moment ever.   

I asked him about it last night after school. 
Derek was in the shower and I called baby D to me and asked "What was dad looking at on the computer?" 
His reply was a small smile and being silly, he didn't want to rat out daddy.
A few minutes later I asked again, this time with a different approach "Was daddy looking at girls on the computer?"  He looks at me and says "uhhh huh".
Busted. 
Then to be silly I told him to tell Derek "Don't look at pictures of girls on the computer dad" 
He goes by the shower and says "computer dad" ...thats all? FINE!


Thank you baby D momma loves you. 

Summer School

It started out as a refreshing thing this going back to school.
After last night I don't know if I will be able to cope. Let's hope that a nice bottle of wine (every night) will reduce the stress that comes with summer school. Just kidding i'm not a drunk, I suppose I could be though.
Let me think about that one over a cocktail.
I understand they cram a semesters worth of information into 8 weeks, but fuck....I will have to be on my online class 3 times a week not to mention Monday through Thursday be on campus for other classes.
I feel my mental health deteriorating as I type.
By July 22nd I will have bald patches where I have pulled out my locks because of all the papers that will have to be turned in.
I should have just taken it off, but NO NOT ME...Mrs. I-have-to-prove-a-point-to-my-family.
Brilliant me. As if thats not bad enough I can't take a vacation until I finish this semester out.
My poor children, they will have to live the summer without much mommy time.
So long weekends, I will miss you.
So long social life......
wait...haha I forget I never had one of those. Do you know where I can get one?


Officer J had asked me on my ride-along couple of weekends ago "Why are you getting a degree, you know you don't need one to be a cop?"
Me: (clearing my throat) Well you do if you want to get promoted.
Him: Yeah I guess you do, if you want to become a lieutenant
Me: Yeah exactly
Him: I am only 6 credits away from my Associates
Me: Are you retarded? Go get it.
Some people are fuckin dumb. 


This is something I have to do.
It's funny because my family thinks that I am the one who thinks she is the shit. Rox is stuck-up, she is a biatch, doesn't like talking to her family because she is better than everyone. Rumors here and there about me. I applaud your efforts in trying to tear me down.
It's a shame you don't know me.
You will see that I am just like everyone else, just a little better....BWAHAHAHA.

not really. suckers.
I don't call because I don't have time and a little because I don't like y'all. SHIIIIT. Yeah I said it.
Get over my life and go do something with yours. Bitches. 


Come and get me summer school! I AM READY!

Ranting some more....

As my days go by here in the work place I realize how bored of it I am getting.
Shhhh don't tell the suits that I work for. 
 If this isn't bad enough I feel that right now that I could go straight to the airport and get on the next flight to anywhere with just my purse and some luck. Fuck the little things I would need like a: phone charger...so long callers  b: some money...hope Visa is enough   c: extra undies....don't need them  d: my babies...Damn I can't go after all!
Of course this won't happen as I have school today and tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.....
I'm not grumpy. I need a fuckin vacation is all.
Yes I have said it before, leave me alone! I just need to go do it.

I figure I have been a lazy bitch, until I work up this morning at 5 and didn't feel sleepy one bit.
I got up and didn't know what the hell to do with myself while the rest of the household was still dreaming away.
I thought..well I ate alot this weekend.
Maybe go running? Sure. Nah. Forget it. I don't feel like it. It's to early. Maybe later. Later you will be to tired, just go now. I really don't want to. Nothing on t.v. Bitch you need to forget wanting you need to. Fuck. Look at your baby gut. Should I go back to bed. Come on just go! FINE! Lets do this.
Then I got my ass into some running clothes and did a mile. At 5:30 a.m.
Listen folks, on the weekends I can't even drag my ass out of bed before 8:30 a.m. so this was a little miraculous that I found strength to do a mile.
I usually have my phone to track this stuff but stupid phone stopped working for my workout so I don't know how long it was.  Point is I did it.
There is no way in hell that I will ever have abs of steel but I know that I will lose some weight if I keep this weird ritual going. Because fuck that other shit I will not succumb to the crazy antics of the "diet craze".
Work out bitches. That is all the advice you need. Fuck your crazy ass pills, teas, spanxs, lipo, and other retarded methods of getting fit. Get you ass up and go run. Yeah its that easy. Easier said than done...I know, I know! 
I am one to be talking..ha ha.
Shush.
I have a long day in front of me.
Back to the grind. See ya!