Tha Man Jesus

This past Friday I was promised sushi for dinner, which after getting dolled up it was taken back. 


Derek. Damn it!  


The realization of how long it's been since I have had raw fish was just to tempting for me to let go. 
I did the next best thing, I called Jen and demand that we go have sushi. 


We had a holiday party at our office earlier that day and I had several beers throughout that time.
Having a few beers in me I thought why let the party stop there?  
So off we went for sake and sushi with my best bitch. 


We sat for a long while talking, drinking and laughing you know the usual night out with Jen. 
Unbeknownst to me it was going to change from a usual night to one of those wtf stange ass nights.


Shit got weird. 


One moment we are laughing in the bathroom the next we spilling our guts out, crying and driving to grab drinks at some other place. Location was not preselected so she just drove until we got somewheres. 


While driving our conversation went from family and turned into some religious powwow. 
Of course Jen knows that religion and I are detached from one another and have been for many years. She wasn't preaching but had her views on matters religion. I dismissed all of these righteous blabberings just to piss her off. But after a few I let her talk. 


I told her how the bible and I have many conflicting views. 
Which one? One of the many that are out there. 
She starts telling me that they are all basically the same with minor details differing. 
Then she asked me if I knew the story of "Tha man they be calling Jesus", I can't remember what I said but she took it upon herself to tell me the story of this man Jesus. 


Before I go on, I am not retarded I am aware of Jesus (pronounced HEY ZEUS) and his gang. I was raised Catholic. 


Ok on we go. 


Jen opens her mouth and all I remember is her saying:


"God created man and woman then decided to see how man would live and they fucked up because they was living in sin! THEY FUCKED UP!"


OHH that's what happened!


"Mary had a kid and JESUS was born! Yeah Jesus mothafucking Christ!" 
"Jesus tried to show people the way but theys wasnt listening then all kinds of shit happened."


Mmm, hmmm. Okay. 


"He died for our sins then later he fucking resurrected! FUCKING RESURRECTED!!" 


Skeptical me: "Really Jen?" 


Serious look "Yeah he fucking did! He came back from the dead that Jesus!" 


 What else? 


"All kinds of motherfuckers wrote the bible and it was their version of what had happened"  
"BOOM!! Religion. What up!"


Cliffnotes version of the bible according to Jen while intoxicated. 


It was funny at the time, my stomach hurt I was laughing so hard. I'm sure she said some other important events in the bible but I can't remember right now. 


Some other weird stuff happened but the story of Jesus was the highlight of the night. 


Oh Jen. You and your Jesus Christ stories. 

Rox