Shot Glass

Before I go on and tell you about the happening please read this first if you haven't done so already. It helps with the story. Seriously. 


New Years eve.


I didn't have to work so I cleaned my house for our New Year's party. 
All day. I have two kids and a little sister I care for so clean doesn't stay for long in my home. 


After cleaning all flipping day getting everything set up I realized with horror that I had some vital pieces missing for later in the night. 


Fireworks?       CHECK
Beer?                CHECK
Chips?              CHECK
Salsa?              CHECK
Boots?              CHECK
Caution Tape? CHECK
Patron?             CHECK
Bottles of random booze?  CHECK
Champagne?   CHECK 
Shot Glasses?  NO CHECK    


What?!!! No shot glasses! FUCK!!!! 


I felt at this point my party that had yet to start, was over. I FAILED. I could have sworn we had one or two shot glasses. What kind of alcoholic party thrower was I with no shot glasses? How was Patron going to join the party stuck in his little bottle? 


I called Jen but she had already left the store. She had asked me if I had champagne and I said yes but no shot glasses. 


Little did I know the bottle that resembles champagne much like Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan resemble each other. I just got confused. I can't tell the difference!


You see what happened was:


My mom got me a bottle of some (what appeared to be bubbly) champagne looking stuff (I don't know why she knows I adore Lambrusco) and 4 wine glasses for Christmas. I have the best mom, right?  I totally needed those wine glasses. I only had 3, so only 2 of my friends were able to drink from a wine glass and not some plastic tumbler while in my home. How embarrassing. Hooray for me, I have more wine glasses now. What up vino party! Anyone? Yeah? NO? I'll ask again later. 


My what-I-thought-to-be champagne was actually sparkling wine. I neglected to look at the label until people were on their way. Sparkling wine! Not champagne. Can you believe that shit? I was going to pass it off for champagne at midnight. God help me we were not going to let the bottle go to waste. 


You know what I don't think anyone knew the difference once midnight came. The bottle was actually pretty tasty. We were all in the backyard watching Derek almost scorch that beard he was working on for several months almost get burned off with fireworks. It was awesome. 

                                                    The Mens

                                                     The Womens


Before all this magic happened though Derek and I were searching fruitlessly for those fucking shot glasses. All over the kitchen. I mean at one point I might have even looked in places where shot glasses wouldn't even fit, say toaster, under fridge to no avail. He said he remembered we had one or two too. They were no where to be found. So we made our friend who lives a jump, hop and a skip away to get some shot glasses from his house, since I am a horrible host and couldn't provide some of my own. 
No one is ever coming over to party anymore. I bet. 

                                                         That is my "Patron Face" 


There we were in the kitchen, I on my 3rd beer, second shot was feeling pretty damn good and talkative. I really need to stop talking so much when I drink. It's a problem. A horrible problem. I tell my self to shut the fuck up but it never works longer than a few seconds then I forget and start talking about a whole lot of nothing again. Ugh. Sorry if I ever put someone through that. I will try to work on that. Promise. 


Where was I?


Ohh yeah okay, okay we were in the kitchen and Derek get's this look on his bearded face...an epiphany if you will. 


He smiles at me, turns to open the freezer, reaches in and pulls out one of our shot glasses!
What the hell? Why? 


I take a closer look and am like "What is that?" Looking at the solid white stuff on the bottom of the shot glass. "What the fuck?" I was thinking ice. 
Derek "You said you wanted some face wash, remember?"
Me "Is that your splooge? Are you fucking serious DEREK?!!" 


Everyone looks at us. Yup, that was his splooge. In our shot glass. In the freezer. Waiting to be put on my face. 


*Huge sigh* 


Look, as a defense I recall saying something about how it makes my face super soft. I didn't think he would really put some away for me. Who does that? What the fuck did I really get into with this guy? 

Fuck. 


Derek has a serious problem with putting things that are not food in the freezer. Remember this? I need to keep an eye on that. 


Before I forget!!!! Jen fell asleep early so we Roxed her. Caution. 



If you remember from my party. (Click Here) I got Roxed. So BOOM there you go Jen. 


Also, if you are ever at my house you can totally use one of my wine glasses in place of the shot glass Derek ruined. Or just bring your own. 


Happy New Year everyone from that bearded guy and I. 

Rox