This is how you lose friends. Or those people that you constantly force to speak to you who may not even call you their friend. OR this could be the real reason that I don't have those things, those "friends". I think they can't handle the slop that rolls around on my tongue before it comes flying out of my mouth without filtering out in my brain.
Conversation between myself and a mutual creature that kind of resembles me, but has balls. And maybe a penis too.
Me: just bored that is all
Glitter Boots : you party animal.
Me: RAWR! With no party people in sight
Glitter Boots : what you got to drink at your place for when i show up.
Me: All these old farts too lazy to leave the couch to change their underwear to have a fucking DRINK!
Got some Lambrusco. a big bottle. Knowing me it wont last long
Glitter Boots: nice. can i take chicks over there to get drunk and bang them?
Me: Not on my bed. On the hard wood floors. Sure. Have a go at it.
Glitter Boots : lol. should i take some blankets and a pillow to keep in your closet?
Me: Yes. by all means.
Glitter Boots : alright. you can watch then.
Me: You should probably keep a few "extra" spare bottles of the good ole shit too. Whatever your poison
Glitter Boots : yeah right. you'll drink them!
Me: no* not me!
Glitter Boots : mhmm.
i'm actually excited. i can bang again! Me: Why? Your boner got fixed?
Did you fix your broken boner?
Glitter Boots : my boner always works. Just need to find someone to use it.
Me: your burrito got smashed? haha
Glitter Boots : Need to find that one to put those lips on my burrito.
Me: Burrito Smasher!!!
Glitter Boots: who's burrito have you been smashing lately?
Me: Mr. Bond
Glitter Boots : who's Mr. Bond?
Me: Mr Bond is a guy.
Glitter Boots: .........
Me: No I am not lying, he is REAL! He is fine. He is a real person Glitter shits.
Glitter Boots : i haven't had a chance to fuck anybody.
Me: Well get your little ass out there!
Do we need to go hunting?
Glitter Boots : yes we do.
Me: OHH NOW IM ALL EXCITED AHHHHHHHHHHH. Hunters we shall be.
Glitter Boots : haha.
got anybody in mind that wants to get drunk with me and bang?
Me: no.
Did you fix your broken boner?
Glitter Boots : my boner always works. Just need to find someone to use it.
Me: your burrito got smashed? haha
Glitter Boots : Need to find that one to put those lips on my burrito.
Me: Burrito Smasher!!!
Glitter Boots: who's burrito have you been smashing lately?
Me: Mr. Bond
Glitter Boots : who's Mr. Bond?
Me: Mr Bond is a guy.
Glitter Boots: .........
Me: No I am not lying, he is REAL! He is fine. He is a real person Glitter shits.
Glitter Boots : i haven't had a chance to fuck anybody.
Me: Well get your little ass out there!
Do we need to go hunting?
Glitter Boots : yes we do.
Me: OHH NOW IM ALL EXCITED AHHHHHHHHHHH. Hunters we shall be.
Glitter Boots : haha.
got anybody in mind that wants to get drunk with me and bang?
Me: no.
Glitter Boots: u suck.
Me: Yes, very good too I hear
Glitter Boots : says who? "Mr Bond?" (I could actually hear him making the air quotes around "Mr. Bond's name)
Me: yes. Apparently my book reading skills got me where I am at. Expert level bitches!!!
Glitter Boots : i'd want you to do me but your big ass lips would make my super small penis even smaller.
Me: true. my big lips can't be helped
Glitter Boots : maybe Mr. Bond can go down on me?
Me: no. he is not the gay
Glitter Boots : I thought all your ex's turned gay?
Me: Most of them did, not all.
Glitter Boots : haha. i'm fucking with you..
Me: no you are NOT, You hurt what little feelings were left in me. The ones that the gays didn't strip me of.
Glitter Boots : shut up. you're tough. you can handle it.
Me: I told you THE GAYS FUCKING TOOK IT ALL!
Glitter Boots : i'll let you go down on me to make it up to you.
Me: Will you let me put my pinkie in your bum?
I was bored. Me and my burrito smasher. My personality sometimes goes haywire with the heat. Its over 100 degrees outside. My good senses must have melted when I went to lunch and packed on those 50,000 pounds of fat. Put two and two together, what do you get? My haywired brain, possibly turned to mush because of the 5 hour drive with my demons children, but mostly because it is hot as the devils tits out.
Wait...the devil has tits now?
What the fuck was in that water I drank at lunch?
I need to get out more. Who is up for some drinks?
Me: Yes, very good too I hear
Glitter Boots : says who? "Mr Bond?" (I could actually hear him making the air quotes around "Mr. Bond's name)
Me: yes. Apparently my book reading skills got me where I am at. Expert level bitches!!!
Glitter Boots : i'd want you to do me but your big ass lips would make my super small penis even smaller.
Me: true. my big lips can't be helped
Glitter Boots : maybe Mr. Bond can go down on me?
Me: no. he is not the gay
Glitter Boots : I thought all your ex's turned gay?
Me: Most of them did, not all.
Glitter Boots : haha. i'm fucking with you..
Me: no you are NOT, You hurt what little feelings were left in me. The ones that the gays didn't strip me of.
Glitter Boots : shut up. you're tough. you can handle it.
Me: I told you THE GAYS FUCKING TOOK IT ALL!
Glitter Boots : i'll let you go down on me to make it up to you.
Me: Will you let me put my pinkie in your bum?
I was bored. Me and my burrito smasher. My personality sometimes goes haywire with the heat. Its over 100 degrees outside. My good senses must have melted when I went to lunch and packed on those 50,000 pounds of fat. Put two and two together, what do you get? My haywired brain, possibly turned to mush because of the 5 hour drive with my demons children, but mostly because it is hot as the devils tits out.
Wait...the devil has tits now?
What the fuck was in that water I drank at lunch?
I need to get out more. Who is up for some drinks?
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