Mexican'd

When I was 11 or 12, wait...I could have been 13 now that I think about it. For the sake of my shitty memory let's stick with 12.
Okay, from what I remember when I was 12 my family started this nickname for me, I was called "white girl" or "Bob Light."


My sisters, cousins all called me this. Still do actually. Don't get me wrong we all had nicknames that were given to us by each other. My sister was a combination of Connie Chung and India Maria. You know this lady:



Source: esmas.com


If you are Mexican you know about this woman. She was the comedian of my childhood. 
On the other hand that is not why we called my sister India Maria. It was all about appearances when that name was bestowed upon my olive complected sister.
My other cousin was "Theen" and/or Mr. Bean because of her ability to literally eat a pot of beans and a whole block of cheddar cheese without shitting herself. Farts on the other hand were a different story. Another cousin was dirty diaper, for reasons obvious, I feel like I have told that story before. See that is just what we did as kids, make up stupid names for each other and dress my boy cousin in my oldest sisters bathing suits. 


Oh childhood. You sure were a hell of a time. 


While my Mexican family was listening to oldies and Mexican rappers I was sneaking around trying to listen to The Cranberries, Third Eye Blind, Savage Garden and Fuel hoping that no one noticed me. I cornered myself with my walkman, possibly crying to Jon B's "They don't know." Look, I was emotional like that OKAY! Stop pointing your fingers!


I have always been light complected. Really white as they say in my family, this was NOT the reason for them calling me white girl. Even though we live/lived in Arizona. I think that what is what "Bob Light" was for. One can only assume.  


Honestly it bothered me so I tried to change it but I couldn't. 
Fuck that, fuck them. Cholo's.
The chola look didn't fit me anyway, that brown lipliner was hideous on my light skin.   


I grew up with these Mexican people, gangstas if you will, yet my voice and tone sounded like someone who has never encountered another person of color. Polar opposite of my Mexican family, even their word choices. I was the lone white ranger. I think I still am. 


Now that I am older not only do people think that I am Asian, but that I do not sound Mexican. 


I was talking on the phone the other night and my fr-enemy told me "SOOOO.... LIKE.OHHHH.MY.GOD" in his best valley girl voice, then said that is what I sounded like. 


:( 


I can't help it asshole.


What the fuck. 
So what I make a shitty Mexican.


Don't be rude about it. 


Not that you care, Mister-I-don't-know-big-words. 
Just to make him feel stupid I said something about someone being a introvert. 
Yeah that shut him the fuck up. 
Real quick. 


I could see the big question mark floating out of his tiny brain trying to figure out what that word meant. Introvert, not a very big word, yet he thought it meant that someones penis was inverted. 
Idiot. 


Anytoodles.
I make a terrible Mexican. 
My Spanish speaking abilities aren't the best either so that helps me almost none. 
All though I do understand Spanish. So there! In your face Spanglish. 
Also, I am trying to teach my kids the little Spanish that I can speak. 


They are getting on to it, only they can't roll their R's. Nope. Trying to say tortilla without rolling that r, sounds like tore-till-lya. 


"WHAT?! Oh hell nah. Listen torrrrrrrr-ti-ya. Ok let's try it again"


"Tore-till-lya" Says the boy. 


Fuck. My family would LOVE to see my little white speaking children, just to tease them. 


I realized my kids are horrible Mexicans while we were making stuffed animals.
While at a bear stuffing place my kids had choices to pick names for the animals they had just stuffed. 


My son picked "Patrick" and my daughter picked "Roosevelt." 


What kind of Mexicans are you? Children of my eggs! Jesus.  


My family would get a kick out of that. Why not Pedro, Gustavo, Alejandro or Consuela? Something a little more my families flava. 


Thanks offspring, I am glad that you make terrible Mexicans too. I don't feel so alone now. 


I can't pepper myself with "the Mexican", no matter how much I try. Novela's don't help any either. All though you know they always have the most gorgeous/sexy women on there. Where do they find these perfect man muscles? And the sex scenes. Wowie. 
*Sigh*
Ok enough. 

Look at my first name for fucks sake! Ugh, yeah like that screams Mexican as much as Jenny does. 
I always end up being too light skinned and my talk has made up it's mind to stay as is. No returns. 


"A veces me gustaría poder cambiar un poco" but since I can't "white girl" is here to stay. 


Don't give me shit about it either.