I Just Want Garland!

Shit.

I think it is about time I cut down on the vino. 


This came to me after re-thinking the yelling I did yesterday.
My poor mother. 


My mom had to drive me to the store because I decided day off + Big bottle of Lamby = Awesomeness. 
I don't drink and drive. I am a responsible adult that's why! 


"Uhhh, mom can you like drive me to the store because I can't drive?" 
Gives me the cross eyed I would kick your ass if you weren't taller than me look "Ok"
"YES!" high five-ing nobody in particular. 


My drunken self saw my christmas tree and realized I needed more glass garland. Because you can NEVER have to much glass fucking beautiful garland on your tree said my inner Martha Stewart. 


While driving we get to an intersection that an accident must have just happened because there were no emergency vehicles and victims were still in their cars with the airbags deployed.
My mother says "Maybe someone should help them" 
My eyes adjusted to the scene "Yeah mom, let someone else help them pshhh (flicking my wrist) we need to get to tha store!" 
I just wanted that glass garland for my Christmas tree and by GOD I WAS GOING TO GET IT! 


Target and drunken me are not a good pair. It's like the trip to CVS for those tampons then walking out with all kinds of other shit that I may have not needed. $6.00 turns into a $50.00 shopping trip. Why does that happen to me every fucking time? 
Without motherfucking fail, why must do this to me CVS, WHY!?
That was me at the Target. I went for the garland and end up paying about $90 for all kinds of other junk. No garland. 
Can you believe that NO FUCKING GARLAND!
ALL I WANTED WAS SOME GLASS GARLAND FOR MY TREE! 
I could have cried had my mother not been there. 
Imagine, me crying in the parking lot of Target because they didn't have my garland. All bad. 
Sigh. 


Driving back home all was fine and dandy.
Until we got back to that intersection... cars just wanted to sit there and watch.
Drunken me was not having it. I started yelling at the assholes who wanted to just sit there, not moving, holding up the freaking line. 
We waited and waited for about 3 minutes before I lost all control.  I started honking the horn because my mother is chicken shit and gets super scared because she thinks that honking and getting shot for honking go hand in hand. 
Fuck that! I had my mother go around these ass hats that choose to rubberneck and started yelling obscenities at them. 
I think I embarrassed my mom. 


She is never going to drive me to the store again. 


Rox