Beetle

I need a new car. 


Long ago I needed a newer, cleaner, purrier car, but I got stuck with my current bug-a-boo.
Such a girl car. I love forcing D to drive it around. sucker


AAhh I can almost see my new car. Shiny, not-my-old-car, smelling like something other than crayons, speedometer workin, free of legos and all. 


Shut your face. I can't afford it right now, that's just a small obstacle at the moment. I am working on a money making scheme as I type. 


I have been driving around my little car that sounds like a box of legos going over a million pot holes and smells of crayons. WHY??? 
I hear rattles and shakes, speedometer doesn't work, I can't tell how much gas I have, middle console is broken, and did I mention that it sounds like a BOX-OF-LEGOS and smells like crayons?
Don't know what that sounds like? Go shake a box of legos. That's what my Beetle sounds like. 


I'm to lazy to take it in. Someone please take her away. Fix it. DO SOMETHING! 
I am going crazy with the legos! 
Legos please just go away!!! Get the fuck away from me. 
Dear Hey-Zues... I think my car is driving me insane.

I absolutely refuse taking the car to the gas station so imagine my horror when it comes to tune-ups and repairs. Nightmares. Big, fat, ugly nightmares. 


Repair man: please rid me of my legos hiding underneath my car, shaking when I go 30 mph. I told my little whore car not to eat those. I will pay you, as long as you come to me and you don't fuck up my car like Don did when he told me he dealt with VW's but really didn't and I was going to punch his fat gut in when I noticed he messed it up more than he fixed it and I didn't pay him the rest of his "repair" monies, I should have sued that son-of-a-bitch. Yeah please don't do that. Gracias. 


On the plus side my windshield is free of cracks from the freeway mattress!
So there, SUCK IT aggressive windshield selling guys at the car wash. BWAHAHAHA!!!