Ass Kicking for the Masses

Some like to think that they are bad ass.


People like....me. 
Not always just sometimes. 
Ok rarely. 
OK I AM NOT A BAD ASS!!! GOD! 


Jen is a bad ass. 
So is her sister.


Me...not so much. 


You see I happily went to Jen's house to "exercise" my fat ass. 
Maybe I shouldn't say fat. I mean I have lost about 10 pounds the last few months thanks to the all day fun of work and school. 
Jen has these magical videos that she has been working out to and I wanted too bond with my newly adopted family. 


It has been a long, long, long time since I have stepped into a gym. Let me repeat, it's been a long-motherfucking-time since I have lifted weights, sit-ups or did anything resembling working out. 


I thought to myself, what the hell, I am out of school I have some free time to get my soft body into that slim-tight-ab-firm-ass. Why the fuck not. 


I got to Jen's house and let the exercise begin.


By the 4th warm up, I was already sweating profusely and my legs were on fire. 


Breathing heavily I asked if we were almost done...because I was dying. 
We were only into the first 10 minutes of the 57 minute workout.


fuck.


By minute 30 I literally was about to pass out. Jen kept telling me to "breathe, bitch, breathe!"


"Are you going to throw up?" Jen asks as I threw myself on the floor unable to move


"No, I just can't do any push ups!" Is all I said unable to make more words come out of my dry mouth


I didn't almost throw up thank the strong stomach I have. I was trying to be a trooper because come on. I could do anything. Unless it includes push-ups then I am fucking done, screwed. 


Jen finished the 57 minutes, red faced and covered in sweat. Bitch was still pumped. 


I finished about 40 minutes, red faced and dying. 


I might have died somewhere in between the push-ups and the banana/superman rolling thing. 


Did I mention this magical video was a P90X video? 


No? 


Well it was. 
That shit is no joke. 
It is not for beginners like myself. 
It is hardcore working out. 


All though I am sure I looked pretty hot doing squats and shit. 


I got my ass handed to me by a dvd. A dvd! 
This is reason # 13 why I am not a bad ass. 


Next 2 days I couldn't believe how much my body hurt. I mean I fucking HURT. Everywhere. 


It was so bad in fact that when I tried getting into my car, my legs gave out and I fell into my seat. This happened a few times. 


P90X...I will see you again and conquer that shit! Believe you me! 


If you would like a swift ass kicking go ahead, I fucking dare you to do P90X for the duration of the program.