That One Night

Going out looking like a orange haired freak turned out just as I thought it would. 

Nothing spectacular happened. 

Other than Jen throwing up all over my seat. 

This happened even though we shared the same amount of alcohol. Three/four shots and who knows how many beers.

All though I forgot about that bottle of wine I had before she came over. So technically I was supposed to be the one totally annihilated instead of her. But I supposed it worked out how it did.

She had her choosing of two different men, both of whom were friends. She asked which one, I choose the left for her because he was cuter. She ended up with righty. Lefty got mad and walked away. 

I got none. 

Yeah, none. Don't be surprised, I had orange hair for fucks sake. 

Although I did have a very interesting proposition.

As I sat at the bar bout to light up a cigarette, I look over for an ashtray. I spotted one right next to me in front of this massive muscley man. I reached over and snatch it. Muscle man looked at me and said "Hey you trying to look at my phone?" as he held his old ass hand-held cell close to his body. 

"No, I was not" I simply replied

"Wait,...what are you texting?" I look over at his phone, which he pulled out trying to type those little baby buttons with his gigantic fingers. 

All I see on the screen is "Just ran into an old swinger buddy"

Key word popped out at me "SWINGER" like big glittery fireworks. 

"Really, swinger.....where?" I asked, now intrigued

He points to this top heavy woman who sits next to him and introduces herself to me.

In my alcohol induced mind frame I know better so I turn to Jen to see what is going on with her. 

After some time, 2 more shots down, I turn and speak to this swinger lady. We talk about the lack of attractive men. We even make a go around to see if there was any potential. Nil. 

She ends up on the dance floor with Jen as I sit there drinking beer after beer. 

By the end of the night things were looking pretty blurry. Last call was yelled. 

Swinger whore and her muscley man friend ask me if I would like to join them. 

"Excuse me?, Come again?" I say looking mildly amused

"You want to come home with us?" 

Invitation sat heavy in the air. 

Before I could snort out a huge laugh, I waved it off.

"Nah, gots to take my friend home" 

As they stood around calculating different ways to get Jen home I took the time to thank them for the nice gesture (it was the polite thing to do at the time) and grabbed Jen to make a quick get-away. 

They were on the prowl the whole time and I was too drunk to notice or care. 

I will never forget the night I was invited to be in a swinger sandwich.