Pest Control

Certain times of the year we get all sorts of pests through out the household and it is so fucking gross.
Every stinking summer, out come the black windows in abundance like you wouldn't believe...but what is worse than theses little buggers are the crickets. Loud ass crickets I may add.
Last year they would get into the house and come night time we would hear chirping from all corners of the house.
Why do these fuckers like MY bathroom so much? No not the living room, my children's rooms...but my bathroom! Right next to where I sleep!
I would have Derek do a walk-through and he would get about 3 to 5 every night and he is annoyingly sweet by tossing them outside instead of smashing them with a shoe as I would do if I wasn't such a pansie.

You see I have a major phobia of bugs but mainly roaches, particularly big roaches.
Ahhhh, just talking about them freaks me out.
I think this stemmed from a time growing up when I slept on the floor (we were poor) and I recall having big roaches crawl on me.....AHHHHH.
One time something got into my ear in the middle of the night and I could hear the legs moving around. (I'm having nervous flashbacks as I type this) It hurt like hell. I cried to me mom to get it out!
My mom just put some oil in my ear and I fell asleep crying. When I woke up and didn't hear the noise anymore...must have drowned the fucker out. I was to scared to stick my finger in my ear to check.
THEN my oldest sister told me that someone she knew had a bug in their ear and had to go to the doctor to have the carcass removed from their ear canal piece by piece...don't know if this is a true story or if she just wanted to be a cunt.
I slept with earplugs from that moment on every time I slept on the floor.
Bugs creeped me out but this was the episode where I was now terrified of them.

This got worse as I got older.

My older sister thinks it is the funniest thing in the world. Bitch.

I will kick someones ass, but I cannot, will not touch or get near a big cockroach. I refuse.
If I spot one no matter where I will hightail it out of there like I saw the boogeyman himself.

One day while cleaning the house my sister called me into a room and tells me to bring the broom, so off I go broom in hand. She decides to wait until I am in close proximity before telling me there is a big roach right by me.
So like a mad woman I start swinging away at nothing, until it pops out and starts running up the wall by me, my sister starts yelling at me to smash it with the broom so I start yelling at the top of my lungs AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........while kicking my legs around to make sure that nothing gets on me.
I trap it in a corner and start crying like a big baby because I don't want to do it....I can't do it....my sister starts laughing her ass off as if it is some big fucking joke.
I let go of the broom and tell her to do it I can't while sobbing my ass off barely catching my breath because I was crying so hard. I yell at her wishing to get away from the location.
Never in my life have I felt so fucking gross, sick, scared, anxious, terrified all at the same time over something so trivial. I just can't do it. They are sick! SICK, SICK, SICK!

She still tells people about this happening. I could have smashed her face in after the roach with the broom but I couldn't go back into the room until I knew that "it" was gone.

Pests..I could live without them. This is why pest control will be at my casa this weekend, to rid me of the ants and crickets that take up occupancy in my cabinets.

Early this morning I was woken up by my new cricket alarm clock. 4:35 a.m. this asshole cricket decides to sing louder than usual, I had to tell myself  'this is just until Saturday, go back to sleep'.

I think they know my secret. My phobia perfume must be overwhelming to them.
Ill say my goodbye's Saturday morning for these guys as they will be going to pest hell!