Hypochondriac

I am a parent of 2 children. 
If I screwed it up the first time at least I have another chance to redeem myself.


Well that is until grandparents step in.
Hypochondriac freaks.

Every little bite, cut, vomiting, constipation or anything that is "out of the norm" for them, they think that my babies have some life threating conditions.


A mosquito bite: "That looks infected lets spray Baby D down with this anti-bug medication just in case he keeps getting bitten. If the bite gets worse take him to the clinic."


Constipation: "I am so worried about him, I researched online and talked to the pharmacist and they said to get this stuff that helps. Or take him to the clinic." 


Rash: "I think that is some kind of flesh eating bacteria you need to take him to the hospital. "


Crying being a brat: "Oh my god there is something terribly wrong here. I am going to call the ambulance to come check him out. "


It never fucking ends. 


For everything they want to take Baby D to the hospital or clinic. 


Of course they don't know that mosquito bites just need a bit of TLC. Constipation, just keep off the naners for a bit, Rashes come and go and him crying is because he is not getting what he wants. 


Sheesh. 


I swear people drive me crazy when they think they know what is best for my kids. Quit freaking out man! 


It's just a cold not a disease! 


It is sooo funny because I think they look for signs of anything and everything. 
They (grandparents) watch way to much medical shows. Mystery diagnosis seems to be a favorite. 
Shit on crazy medical conditions or parasites in intestines or any other weird goings on.
I'm not kidding. When we go visit them there is something like "I didn't know I was pregnant" or something like it on. Damn you medical television! 


"What is that? Is Baby D scratching his head? It must be psoriasis or some skin disorder. Take him to the doctor!" 


It's out of control. 


I got an email the other day saying that grun is going to send $$ for me to buy some medication for my son who does not like to shit in the toilet. I don't see how medication is going to help him poo in the loo. But apparently medications cure all. A fact that I was unaware of. 


I was thinking it would be funny to get grun "The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have" by Dennis DiClaudio, but then it wouldn't be so funny for her to be using it on my kids. 


Derek thinks that I am a hypocon too. Only because I refuse to touch any surface of a escalator or stairwell I rather fall and tumble down. They are sick. I don't care if you think they are safe. Fuck that, people are nasty. They touch parts of their bodies and touch the railings afterward all of the time. While I know there are germs everywhere lurking waiting for me to be vulnerable I don't really care about those ones. Just about the railings, the sick, sick railings. Ewww. 


When we went to NYC I was so grossed out about touching everything in the subway. Even though I was a trooper and you couldn't tell, inside I was dying. 


2 days ago in the mail there was a letter from Grun addressed to me and D...
*Queue scary music*
I open it up thinking it was a letter from her concerning our son who hates the shit monster that creeps out his bum. 
WELL... It was a print out of some constipation issues from some internet site. She jotted down notes on these 4 pages of info she so kindly provided us with. JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR! REALLY? She is terribly worried that it could be something more horrific and we are causing our son pain. No I didn't read it all. Derek said to toss it. So I did. 


If she had it her way I am almost positive that the hospital would have a private room set up just for my kids for every time Grun felt uneasy about her self diagnosis. Doctor's would know us by name. Insanity.  


I think the internet is no place for old or crazy people. Can I get an AMEN TO THAT? 


Damn crazies.