Oh Mother

I found this suit case filled with pictures of my childhood.


I don't even know where to begin. 
I have decided to write a letter to my mother. I will print out and hand it to her. (Don't worry, she doesn't have glasses, so her bad vision wont be able to distinguish between fuck and frock.)


Dear 80's, 90's Mother,


Why did you feel the need to afflict us children with the dreaded clothes we wore? How come my hair was never brushed? Was it because that shit was always tangled in masses of curls? If that was the case why didn't you put conditioner in it? I found that if you throw a bunch of conditioner in my hair, let it settle for about 4 minutes, wash, it is like silk.




Where the fuck did you find that ugly ass sweater at? Sweater Mart? 

Ok so the jeans were in style at least. Right? 
I fucking hope so! 
Jesus, look at the antenna that is bigger than out tv. Did people not use wire hangers to fix that shit back then? Guess not. 

Jesus..... I look like a cute clown here. See puffy hair? FUCK! Did they have frizz reducers in store? If they did how come you didn't have any for yours and my out-of-control fluffy hair?
Mother, Why did you not supply us kids with bad ass shoes? Did I ever ask for shoes? You must have not been into having your offspring be the cool kids, because I never was, probably for the lack of cool shoes. THANKS a lot. 

Look at my feet mother! Those shoes were busted and dirty. Come on!!! 
Thanks for the great remembrance of the person I used to be. You have lead me to a better path for my kids. I will swear they have some bad-ass shoes as to become fellow cool people at school and the community. All though I cannot speak for the yellow rain boots that Baby D refuses to leave the house without wearing. 

Mom, thank you for the mismatched clothing. Please tell me that I picked this out myself because I was a 'big girl' and wanted to do it myself and you didn't grab whatever was around and threw it on me? PLEASE. 
Regardless of the way you dressed us children, I would like to say you stayed very fashionable back then. Bravo for staying up to date with all of your attire. Hallelujah, with your padded shoulders dresses and poofy hair and giant earrings. 
Why did you throw those humongous earrings out? They would have worked with my outfits of late. That's all mom, thanks for making my childhood a lonely one. 


*Sidenote - I didn't forget about about my Vlog for the award.ThanksKosher. Stay tuned for that.