Ass, Fries and a Jerk

Jen and I had ourselves a hell of a night Saturday. 


First we almost got into a fight with this decrepit couple because they stole my parking space. 
Yeah motherfuckers stole that shit from out the side of us. Ohhh it was not pretty either. 
Thankfully for them I was without taser.
Jen yelled some nonsense at them and we fumed until we found a parking space 5 minutes and a half a mile away. 
Parking was a bitch.
Due to a Sir Usher that was having a concert. 
We must have scared the beejeebeez out of creepy couple because walking to our destination they were still hanging by their car. 5 Minutes later! Fucking old people. See that is what happens when you go and steal a parking spot from me. Paranoia sets in. 


We get to the nearest bar and order a round while laughing at having to walk so far and creepy couple probably not being able to enjoy their night because they wanted to steal that awesome close parking spot from me.  
We have another round and it's time for me to break the seal. Off to the loo. I get back and Jen was giving me the save me eyeballs. You know that look the one where eyebrows lift and head slightly goes in the direction of nuisance, oculars flailing about. 
This was happening. She whispers a quick descript and runs to the baño. 


A troubled looking fella comes up and asks me if my friend was coming back. 
Jen appears before me and this guy sits next to her and starts being overly friendly. 
He then asks her "Can I grab your ass?"
WHOA WHOA there big boy!
No you can't. Please don't put your filthy hands on her. 
What the fuck is wrong with you? 
Must be the makeup palette I got Jen! 


Then he asked her weight. Not just that but actually tries to guess it and miserably misses the mark by at least 10 pounds. Jerk. 
I look at him and am like "You have the most horrible etiquette in picking up ladies, you just broke the first two rules! You are really bad at this dude. REALLY BAD. You don't do this often do you? Yeah I can tell. Where did you come from? WHAT!! You went to the Usher concert alone? Ohhh I see......" Major eye-roll. 
I don't know if there are rules in picking up but whatever. 
Last straw was when I ordered fries and waited forever to get them. This was my dinner, all I had was a measly salad all day. 
I was famished. 
Bartender puts fries by Jen's new man buddy and he starts eating them! 
I was like NOOOOOO! I think that played in slow motion. 
Jen looked at him and was like "Are those your fries?" 
"No" while putting a few in his mouth
"Then why are you eating them?!!!" 
Then snatches them away. 
Rude. Just fucking rude! 
Who does that? Oh that one guy who goes to concerts alone and tries to grab ass after the first 5 minutes he meets someone does that. Duh. 
Jesus! 


Let's just say that our night consisted of: I wanna grab your ass, Everyone please eat Rox's fries, White boy be killing it, parking fiasco, me flipping creepy old guy that stole my fucking parking then wrote my licence plate number because paranoia, Jersey Shore Guys, stalker from across the bar, green shirt cute from behind very unattractive up front, Shots..shot...shots!!, and free drinks from all sorts of cheesy men. 


And that That readers is how to par-tay. 




Rox