This is for you my dear sweet bestest ever friend. Please don't hate me. I'll make it up to you with a bottle of Lamby. Pinky promise.
I have told the whole world (Yes you in Pakistan reading my blog) that Jen is single and manages to hook strange psycho men when she does meet anyone new.
On a serious note we really need to find someone to lift the hex that was put on my poor Jen. Email me if you know anyone in the Greater Phoenix area. Thanks.
*Uhem. Well not to long ago she met "him".
"Him" being a strange motherfucking dude that had the weirdest clingy/suffocating issues. Not going into detail about the shit he said and the conversations that he would have with himself via text messaging to Jen.
I decided to contact her dad. Sir Investigator. Because if you ever met him you would think that he wanted to kill you. Yeah that intimidating.
He investigates, hence the name.
Mind you I have known the Jenster for years. Within these years the last we have been tight like a virgin.
Her dad still scares me.
But I don't care. I am still me around him because I would love to get my ass kicked by a former GI Joe, ok maybe not GI Joe but something close to that.
Moving along....
I love to fuck around and tend to be outrageous with my comical activities.
I determined it was time to send some of my outrageous to Sir Jen's seemingly conservative dad regarding psycho she met.
Here is what I came up with:
show details Oct 22 (12 days ago) |
Sir M------,
Your daughter has encountered a bi-polar crazy by the name of D----, but let's call him doofy for safety reasons. I will need to go ahead and ask you to restrict his calls to Jen because it he is getting out of control.
P.s. Feel free to kick his ass too please.
Thanks!
Rox
It was all in good fun.
This made me laugh hard because I have never said more than 3 things to him before and now I was sending him a email regarding the safety of his daughter.
Completely forgot about this since some time had passed, response took for-fucking-ever.
While at school yesterday I was doing my school work online, because I am such a good girl. (bubble sound) I got an email.
It was from Sir Jen's seemingly conservative dad.
It was the response we were waiting for.
All though it was two weeks late, didn't matter because he responded!
Jen is a daddy's girl and always says that he is funny. Really? Shit he never talks to me but we will see how funny he thinks I am.
BWAHAHAHAHA
His two week later response:
show details 5:03 PM (16 hours ago) |
After considerable analysis of this information I have concluded the matter requires my immediate attention and investigation.I have also determined I shall be in need of assistance,since you have direct knowledge and a personal involvement I will be contacting you shortly to administer a brief psychological profile on you and temporary deputize you as a private investigator. Thank you for your concern.
- Show quoted text -
Fuck me man!
I could not stop laughing. I was in the library so it was hard to control myself.
I had tiny tears rolling down my eyes because he is on to me and my shenanigans.
I concocted a awesome ass response:
Sir. R---- ,
I have conducted my own investigation and stumbled upon a vast amount of knowledge from Jen regarding the perpetrator. I have classified his misgivings as mental instability that probably occurred during his developmental years that has caused this young man to regard Jen as his girl. He suffers from delusional disorder as well as bi-polar disorder although I would not rule out schizophrenia.
I took it upon myself and ordered a small rifle, several tiny old western pistols, a machete, pepper spray, a ninja sword, a bayonet, a metal bat, ninja stars and several other weapons to do some damage and hired a small arsenal of private security to watch Jen round the clock (they are ninjas so you won’t be able to see them) If a sticky situation happens to comes up, as I am 99.8% positive it I will. They will make sure that it is properly taken care of.
This temporary deputizing might be for the long haul so we might as well make that a permanent capacity. You know just in case you need help with the crazies. Thank you very much.
10-4 M----, 10-4!
Regards,
Agent/Deputy
Rox
I will have to wait another two weeks for him to come up with something or to deem me the crazy one.
Fucking genius!
Damn it I love this family.
Rox
haha that is awesome!
ReplyDeleteIs that exactly how he talks!? Thats awesome.
ReplyDelete