Big Pimping

I have came to the acceptance that the fat girl in the group is the one that gets laid. 

True, contrary to your belief. 
This test was put out there for my fat ass to test and guess what bitches? 
I was right. As usual. That's right I am ALWAYS RIGHT so suck it. 
Chubby chasers are out there. 


You see my friend Jen was a little heavier than what her 85 pound ass is now and she told me and I quote "I used to get a lot of action when I was bigger." 
Really bitch? Because you are beautiful.

Then I remembered when I was a 90 pounder (I was fucking adorable) and hung out with this obese son of a bitch of a woman and I kid you not she got ALL of the action. And when I say all I mean I got zero, zilch, nada. Yeah little me got none. Fatty got all of the rooster that came our way. What is that about? 


Jen and I went on one of our outings last Friday. While sitting, talking and dranking, Jen was approached by a hefty fella, by hefty I mean he was saturated with lipids. (See I'm learning in Biology even though that might not be used correctly, fuck you don't judge me). He came up and started talking to her like I wasn't even there. Something about her bad ass shoes or something which in my book is pretty flamboyant. Somehow his attention was diverted to me ..... and he gave me the those 'OHHHH LA-LA what have we here' looks. 
He was standing awfully close to me while saying something about me being the most beautiful girl...or something along those lines. Cheesy right? Well he started talking and talking. About what? I have no clue. I don't pay much attention to people as they suck. 


We were talking about Jen needing to get laid. She spotted herself a 'Ken doll' which she considers to be sizzling hot. Me well, not so much. So there he was her Ken doll talking to some linebacker bitch. Let me tell you, this older woman had on a lime green halter top and white shorts, she had to have had the widest set of shoulder on a chick we have ever seen. Hence the name Linebacker, it was well suited in our opinions. That nasty ass lime colored shirt was fucking hideous and worst thing was that she kept on sticking her chest out like a chicken. Sick I tell you.
Ken was talking to the linebacker babe and Jen kept on stealing glances. Well Hefty saw this and found a way for Jen to met said Ken doll. All was well. 
Until Ken's friend decided to lie about their occupations and cock block on the pimpage that was going to happen between Ken and Jen. Awe Ken and Jen, see that would have worked out even though that wasn't his real name. 


So anyway, after buying about $50 worth of booze guys started buying us drinks. What the hell is that? Where were you guys $50 ago? So anyway, bartender comes over gives me a beer and says "It's from that guy across the bar" then points to Hefty. Oh god. Underneath the beer was a napkin with his information written on it. 
What were we on a set for a movie or something? Who writes notes and who reads them when it is dark out and beer goggles are on? 
Fortunatly I dropped a water all over that thing so it was no longer legible. To bad, so sad. 
Then another guy who was eyeballing across the bar buys us drinks. At this point I am pretty trashed. So I took tiny sips as to appear rational and untethered by the 6 beers and shot that I already had. 
The guy who bought us shots seemed a bit jealous when cock blocker and Ken were talking to me. Really? All for lil ol me? That is laughable. Go ahead. I understand if you want to fall off you chair laughing because I got some attention. It is funny. 

Ok to make this story short, so guys really liked me last Friday then I realized it.........
I was the fat girl. 
Jen got no action even though she is way hotter. Damn fat girls! Come one guys. 
Leave the beefy bitch alone and go after my hottie, single friend. What the fuck is wrong with you? Geez. 


See why does the fat girl in the group get the action? Are stretch marks turn-ons?  Love a little zebra action (wink, wink)?  Maybe it was my engagement ring? I heard guys go for that. Look don't go saying us fatties are easier because I bet Jen was willing to engage in some quickie action and me, well I was just me.


I have officially decided I am going to pimp my bitch Jen out. She needs some rooster. Badly. 
Yes I will be that woman that goes up to some hot ass men to ask if they are single and if they are if they want to go on a date with Jen. 
I will were a sign that reads "Only hot need apply" to hook my lonely friend up. 
Hopefully I can land her a lay, knowwhatimsayin! Watch out! 


Saturday we decided to do Oktoberfest....which kicked our asses btw. Stay tuned for that story. I have a fucking headache right now because it kicked my ass so bad.