Only me

After work I head over to the Circle K by the college campus to get cracked out on some Red Bull ♥ before the dreaded math class.

So there I am standing in the middle of the store trying to figure out what my dinner was going to be. Hot-dog or nachos? Taquitos or crackers? Hot Cheetos or donuts? Old looking sandwich or rotten fruit? I tried to go for the more nutritious item until I realized that I was in a fucking Circle K and the most nutritious thing was going to be a some water and perhaps something that would give me diarrhea. 


I took my chances with the nachos. I sat there and filled the plastic with cheese to the brim, because that is how I do it. 

On I go to purchase my meal of the night along with the Red bull. Cashier was nice enough to tell  me that it was cheaper if I got two Red bulls. Really?
It was fantastic, not only was I going to be awake I was going to have the caffeine shakes, maybe run a marathon in the parking lot because I forgot where I parked my car for the hundredth time this semester. OH YEAH this was going to be great!

I paid for my goodies then walked to the back of the store where my second energy drink awaited for momma.  

Glistening in the harsh lighting of the store I saw it...waiting patiently for me to open up the glass door and snatch it out to guzzle down all in a few seconds. 
Then I saw the caddy. 
It was hanging on the glass door slightly blocking my view from the delicious RB that sat there.
I felt my taste buds dry up, anticipating that first drop of moisture from RB.


I closed in, opened the door.
Fucking caddy broke mid reach. 
Energy drink sitting on the caddy comes rolling out hitting the floor with a hard thud.


Then...


Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss......
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss......
Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss....


There was energy drink in there for days! 


What.the.fuck!

That was the sound of a busted can spewing its contents onto my work clothing.
It happened so fast I had zero reaction time. 
I just stood there.
Taking it. 

You know that wasn't even the worst part.

When it smashed on the floor the first place it hit with it's liquid coldness was my ass. It went straight for my booty! What kind of shit is that? 
Some fucked up shit that's what! 

I thought "Oh man it looks like I peed myself! Aye Dios mio. 

How bad can that be when most of my pants were soaked oohhhh but only on the butt and insides of my legs?

Really that was the only places Mr. hahaisquirtedalloveryourcuteclothes got me. 

I didn't have an extra pair of clothes in my car. 

I walked out of Circle K with my nachos, two RB's, and pack of what the fuck am I going to do in my hands. Walking to my car there were several people who stared, I just wanted to shout "I DIDN'T URINATE ON MYSELF IT'S ENERGY DRINK, I SWEAR!!!! 
Stupid pants. They were grey. Dark grey where the liquid got me, trailing from my ass down to the insides of my legs most of it soaked closest to my shoes. Sticky stuff.  


Going home was out of the question because I live so far from the campus it would have not worked out. There is a downside to my campus, there are no close stores, fast food restaurants or the like. It sucks. 

Luckily, I remembered there was a thrift store not to far away, so I headed there in my drink soaked clothes. 
I got out searching for clothes with nacho cheese dangling off the corner of my mouth, pants wet sticking to my legs, shirt slightly splattered. I was a fucking wreck and a mad woman grabbing pants in my fat ass size trying to hurry because the place was closing. WHY ME??? 

All of this and all I wanted was a fucking Red Bull and nachos drowned in cheese for dinner to keep me awake during math. Wtf! 

On the plus side I did find a nice pair of jeans for six bucks. Now what, god of I am going to fuck up your life today? NOW WHAT?! 

Rox