Excerpts from "Getting There"

Excerpts (HELL YEAH!) 

I have compiled some excerpts from my blog just in case your new or you just forgot. Laziest blog post ever. 

Some WTF moments:

 My little sister came into my room with a huge samurai sword. I was like "What the hell is that for?" she said that my mom bought three of them at a yard sale for 5 bucks. 

She had these white thongs on really high. MOREOVER, THEY WERE FILTHY! They were supposed to be white, they were as if she wore them for weeks, sweated in them, soaked them in her dirt encrusted folds and stood out in a sand storm. They were so discolored; she earned the nickname 'Dirty Thong'. 

 I am like WTF am I supposed to do? Hang out with these possible pedophiles?

Shit! That is exactly what I did. Not by choice as they were my ride home.

GOD FORBID someone call you gay when you hang out with gay people AND have a gay best friend that attempted to rape you!

"How old am I again?" ...
I sat there in confusion for a few minutes trying to remember how old I was.

He stops looks at me and says "Are you working?" I think to myself "Yeah, but there are others that can help you inside, can't you see that I am busy!"
But I just reply with a "Yeah"
He keeps staring at me then says "Is there a place around here we can go?, I know I am on a bike but....." then leaves it up to me to fill it in. 

This dude just tried to pick me up ....on his bike!
For a round of hanky panky!

Well about this guy that was standing closer to me.
He was missing a tooth. What? You say? Yes, he was missing a tooth in the front of his mouth.
I could not stop looking. Missing.A.Tooth.

OR how about when they dance all slow then speed it up and spin their dicks like a cotton sack full of ketchup.

 She sniffs loudly and says "What is that smell?" I stare in confusion. She sniffs again and says "It smells like Raid or something"....
What!!!!??
I smell like a fucking pest control truck now? 

I smelled something tangy. Almost tasting it.
WTF? "Oh hell no, is that my feet?" I thought.

 On My Mother:

 My mom gets up and says, "You wanna take this shit outside? I'll kick your fucking ass!"

She must have muttered something that my mom saw because next thing you know my mom says in a loud voice "Do you have a problem BITCH?"

My mom was very upset for me using her good tramp lipstick. 

On creepy professors:

I answer with a "Yes sir!"
He replies "Ohhh, I like that." *Said in a slow deep voice
Again, silence in the class. Did anyone hear that?.... ANYONE? 
Ummmm.....
........

Some of the best advice I ever gave on my blog:

“Kids never hang out with your drunk uncles”

 You got it! Affliction shirts.
OK, St. Pierre can get away with it, but PLEASE PEOPLE. PLEASE REFRAIN!

If you are with someone that is wanted by someone of the same sex as them, I say toss them over (do not fight for them) and walk away. 

Raw Facts:

Lesbians are crazy (most of them)

Prince Charming does not hang around, solicit and does not, I REPEAT DOES NOT shop at Wal-Mart. You will not find him there.

I have been there and let me tell you it is tough to get a fat bitch away from the cereal box section and all you want to do is to grab a box and toss in your basket, but that's not going to happen because people like to block the section then select 15 boxes of cereal because 1 or 2 is definitely not enough.

A carwash is not a real job.

Chocolate does NOT come off.
I have an orange chair I sit on and it looks like shit speckled on where I sit.

The fat girl in the group is the one that gets laid. 

On Shit:

Don’t forget to shit at home!

If you really need to shit please, please I cannot stress this enough FLUSH the motherfucking toilet!

Bar bathrooms are not the place to take shits. I did not want to be caught white knuckling the porcelain throne 

"Eat, Pray, Love" 
What a piece of shit. 




And that my friends was a little of everything that you can find in my archives. 
Toodles! 


Rox