Blackout

I went to happy hour for a beer (or two) last week and as soon as I sat down someone asked me "What is your best drunk (throw-up) moment?"..

To this I gave the most shittiest moment when in fact later on I should have told them about the time I went to the river floating on a tube and try to outdrink a notoriously known jewish drunk.

It was as bad as it sounds. 

Heat+Vodka w/Gatorade+River floating= best Blackout ever! (and the only blackout of my life)

The above picture is not me and friends but merely a picture of what it is like floating, getting burned at the Salt River Recreation.

I just remember drinking that vodkarade in the last leg of the river like it was water for my soul, joking around, floating about, getting tired, experiencing dizziness, feeling sick then looking into my tube and throwing up all over myself. I tried to do it as sneakily as possible with no witnesses. Not sure that worked out. I figured hell, the water will wash it off anyway.

Next thing I know I wake up in my bed. 

What the hell?

What the fuck happened to the rest of my trip?!!!

Not sure. This pisses me off because this could have been one of those stories where shit gets worse and worse and I remember some fragments enough to talk about them later.

No such thing here all I have is drinking, having fun then throwing up and waking up in bed.

Next day of course was the worst hangover ever, I don't even know if you would consider it a hangover if I was still drunk. Ugh. Definitely a I-will-never-drink-again-in-my-life moments. 

Of course when I wake up I freak out because I don't know how the hell I got there or why my legs felt scraped up. I got up and wobbled into the restroom hurting like hell. When I looked down expecting for my shins to be bloodied and scraped I laugh because they are only severely sunburned. Like a hotdog with only  one side burnt, bloated up dog that has been on the burner for a while without supervision, only the tops of my shins were dark and the rest of my legs were darkened ever so slightly.

This prompted me to give some other memorable fragments of other drunken moments in my life.

Enjoy!

1.   Threw up in the bathroom toilet while trying to hover so that I wouldn't touch anything in the strip club bathroom, god knows what kind of shit gets left behind. Ahh was a good birthday..

2.  Thinking my mom's room was the toilet and almost peed on the carpet, Thankfully my sister saved me from this.

3.   Got punched in the face by a gay black man...let's talk about this some other time

4.   Threw up all the sushi I ate in the bathroom sink because I thought it was only a little bit of puke when in fact I filled up the sink, then clogged it up with big chunks of raw fish and rice. Apparently I don't chew my food instead I prefer to swallow it whole. 

5.   Fractured my toe on the tub trying to get in the shower because I thought I was filthy and needed a shower. I had to wear a boot for a few weeks. 

6.   Got mad and yelled at Phil because he didn't want to look at my nipple. Why Phil? 

7.   Thew up in friends front yard then passed out and woke up to find a naked man next to me...I was still fully clothed. (Naked man-Derek) 

8.   Punched Jenny's boobs-HIGH FIVE BITCHES! in: Ohhh San Diego 

There are more that I'm sure people will remind me of later.

So much for becoming a great writer I can't even come up with a great story when asked!

AND that is my best drunken forgotten moment yall.