Oooooh San Diego..

San Diego, you sure know how to disappoint.


This was a relaxing, no hassle trip mind you. BUT the people there were weird as fuck!
Being from Arizona you get a mix, but not a crazy mix like San Diego does.
Not only were 92% of people we met or saw or talked to unattractive they were all foreign.
I mean straight out the ship, can barely speak the language here, brought over all the customs they could muster along with their friends and whole families.


We found our way to the grand DoubleTree hotel in downtown SD...where we have never before encountered parking as such. It was the smallest narrowest parking structure I have ever came across.
See illustration no. 1 (this is in no way an exaggeration)

                                                        Entering garage...not so easy
Illustration no. 2

We felt like we were on a game show to see who could manage to park in such tiny spots for a prize of not scratching up your car.


We take our asses on to the Gaslamp district were we encounter weirdos of all makes and models. We were not dressed for occasion but decide to pop into a bar anyway. We get some brew and head out to the patio area to see strangers pass us by. That's where we met stalker of the month: Scottie.
By-the-way this is his real name since there is no need to change it because if you ever come across a Scottie in San Diego the chances of him being a crazy psycho are pretty large...good luck with that.


The most bizarre thing that happened on our trip involves Jenny's stalker of the month Scottie, well that and the fat lady who forgot that there was a slit on the backside of her skirt and had half of her ass literally hanging out AND the fact that I almost died by chomping and almost choking on a piece of wire that was in my shrimp scampi (from the Marble Room) which was free, but still.


So back to stalker...
Strike one came first night we met him. After sitting in the patio area and drinking he intoduces himself, he was there with a bunch of gay guys. (weird?...maybe let's give him a chance) After a while we went off to the loo to empty our piss bags then stopped by the bar to get more drinks and as soon as we turn around to go back to the patio stalker Scottie was there with drinks that he so graciously bought for us while we were away. How nice. Right?
Well he thought since we got our own shit there was no longer a need to supply so even though he bought the drinks for us he ends up drinking all 3 of the drinks he got.
Why the fuck you gonna tell us that those were for us then drink them?? I don't understand.
I don't know what the hell that was about, whatever it was weird is all. I'm not bitter, even though he was such a indian giver with our beers.
Scottie and Jen exchanged info, including FB info....which I am very cautious about because of some issues.


Strike two immediately came when he sent Jenny a text early the next morning. That just screams RED FLAG all over! Dude you just met, it hasn't even been a whole 20 hours!

Strike three was the one that finally had us laughing while driving back home from Cali.
So there we were in the Gaslamp area once more on Saturday night. Another bar. Some Asian buying us Heineken (EWW). Small Asian telling us "Oh, you fancy huh??!!" every five minutes. group of three guys talking our ears off. Me punching Jens boobs. Acting like we were lesbians so uglies would leave us alone. Jen making out with a guy that had a HUGE mole on his face. have flowers bought for us. Me acting mad. leaving. go to another bar to use the toilet. realizing it smelled like ass before leaving bar. left bar. met up with Scottie. took cab to lesbian bar. lesbian bar closed. went to store to get beer. back to Doubletree. up to the 17th floor.....that's when the magic happened people.


Let me explain something before hand. When intoxicated I tend to be a total bitch who can care less if she hurt your feelings especially if I don't know you. That is what happened here.


Scottie then comes out of his thin shell and starts talking about no one other than himself. Not a surprise at all.


Let's quickly go back to Friday when we first met this sweet gentleman. He tells Jen and I little about himself. He tells us that he works as a server/bartender (bartender probably meaning he get's drinks from a person that actually makes these concoctions and serves them) doesn't matter though, it doesn't seem like the best job in the world. He include tiny tidbits that were especially unimportant like his age, area he lives in...yada yada blah, blah...


Back in the room he starts going on a long ass tangent about how he went to Stanford University and is very educated, he was a minor celebrity (we will come to this), how being bi-racial was SOOOO hard for him growing up, that his best friend is gay, he got several awards for his singing, had a great album out, was on tv "so many times it is ridiculous" and all this other bullshit we honestly didn't give two shits about hearing.


I don't even know why he was there to be honest. One he wasn't attractive, wasn't ugly but definitely not the best looking brotha we have met. Two he was a bit off from the beginning. Three he was boring.


I start asking him about this so-called album, he said the name and it was just some silly college contest he and his singing buddies won. Way to go. His Stanford education was the biggest accomplishment for a bi-racial kid for his time. (He is 30) He talked mostly about Stanford and his celebrity-ness.


Then he tells me about his bff being gay I asked him what any slightly drunk bitch would have.


Me: Did he ever try to hook-up with you?
Stalker: I wouldn't call that try, if I was a girl it would be worse than rape!
Me: Anddd you are still friends with him? 
Stalker: Yeah...
Me: (Questioning him silently....) ????? Eyebrows raise....head slightly turns to the side


Meanwhile Jen is to busy texting on her phone to pay attention at what happens next.


Stalker: Well we can relate to each other, we are both bi-racial...
I cut in before the chance is gone
Me: AND GAY!!....BWAHAHAHAHAHA


He then proceeds to go off on me yelling about how he always gets that shit from people and that he is sick and tired of people saying things like that.
Because GOD FORBID someone call you gay when you hang out with gay people AND have a gay best friend that attempted to rape you!
He finally settled down around 3:30 a.m. by that time I was falling asleep and desperately wanted him to get the fuck out of our room.


I acted as if I was out so that Jen could handle his hot-headed ass. When he finally managed to leave with our box of beer he apparently told Jen with a newly purchased box of Magnums held high in his hand that he would have "Rocked her world!!!!!"...
Oh snap!


I just didn't get how an intellectual being that went to the snazzy Stanford University end up a server, drives an old beat up Mercedes, has no girlfriend and does not get the hint to leave when not wanted. Explain, someone ANYONE!


Jen deleted him from her FaceBook and I hope that is the end of Stalker boy no. 4
Sorry Jen. Maybe next time?
I made something for you too :

HAHAHAHAHA
FUCK YOU SCOTTIE!


Update: This is a slightly better version of what happened Saturday night with Scottie. Brought to you by JB.


After realizing that this low rent Drake wannabe was not going to come out of the closet nor leave our room any time soon, I decided to pretend I had just passed out. You can only take so much of listening to a stranger relive his college glory years or try to sell you on how not gay his pole smoking ass is. Come to think of it, I should have pulled this move hours ago, damn!  I was curious to see how Jen would deal with this confused mess anyways, I mean she is the expert when it comes to dealing with damaged goods. After finally bribing stalker Scottie to leave by offering up our box of beer, this turd burglar prances out the front door, pulls out his best friends box of Magnums, hoists them in the air while declaring that he "would have rocked her world!!!!"  
Stay classy San Diego.




Chow!