Chocolate Bits

Sometimes I skip out on the most important meal of the day. Which happens to be my favorite for dinner. Yes, breakfast. 

Then by 10:30 a.m. my stomach starts feeling like it is rotting from the inside out. It starts to make loud fart noises, which sucks because its not a fart and I don't know how to explain a fart sound that isn't a fart to someone passing by. "Ohh I'm just hungry is all, that's what that noise was...I SWEAR!"


Finally when lunchtime hits I sit at my desk wondering where the fuck I am going to eat while my stomach churns and I get more queasy. 
I get sick. Really sick if I don't eat. That and really pissy. You do not want to talk or even look at me when I do not have anything in my belly. Rox is not nice. 
DO NOT FUCK WITH HER. She might eat you alive.


Same goes with mornings. I am not a morning person. When you have those two combinations...ooohhh boy you better have on your protective gear.
I am mean. Mean and hungry.


I do buy Fiber Ones  breakfast bars and sometimes, just sometimes I eat them. There is only one problem when I am munching on these edibles. It contains chocolate which makes it that much better. Only when I eat them chocolate bits fall onto my chair and dissolve magically and get on my pants. Chocolate does NOT come off.
I have a orange chair I sit on and it looks like shit speckled on where I sit. Not attractive.
I really try to put my hand underneath when I bite out of my breakfast bar but for some reason they still find their way onto my fucking chair. ALWAYS! 
Now I have several pairs of pants that have small chocolate smears that do not come off in the laundry.


Fuck you chocolate bits on my pants and chair.
This stuff gets everywhere! On my chair, pants (not just the ass of my pants either I am talking about in between my legs pants), my keyboard, my desk, even on the stupid mouse pad.
How does one explain that it is chocolate on their pants and not shit?
I am still trying to come up with something.


Speaking of shit on the pants I am going to say something about shit in the pants.


One time my cousin shit his pants because the bathroom at the park was locked with padlock  and a boy that was with us came over and took a big whiff and said "Mmm it smells like barbecue out here" 


I don't know why this boy mistakenly thought shit smelled like barbecue but to me it smelled like shit.