Shmore Dranking

As I write this morning I feel tired and semi-sick thinking about all of the boozing that was done over the weekend. 


Great thing about that is I got it out of my system. The smell of anything resembling alcohol is repulsive right now. I'm going to give it about 6 days then I will be back on the "I need to get fucked up" routine again. But for now lets keep it at "Ugh, no more".


Here is the rundown of my fantastic alcohol induced weekend.


Friday
6:30 p.m. After work drank with the girls at some bar close to home
6:50 p.m. A shot of Patron is introduced to me <---Very nice young man by the way
7:15 p.m. On second beer of the night
7:35 p.m. Another shot of Patron joins the party<---This one gave my 'The eye' 
8:00 p.m. I'm blitzed

                       (Yes I am wearing my lucky polka dot dress, I also have other clothes I swear don't think I wear this every time I go out because I don't usually) 
8:30 p.m. Get a call from my old boss - First thing he asked was "How many cocktails have you had so far?"- He knows me to well.  Have awkward conversation about a dream I had about him the night before and probably some other things I should not have been talking about. Damn Patron.
9:00 p.m. Dance with some chick who had features of a crack head who happened to be a former heroin addict. (Who knew?) Nothing gets around me even when i'm drunk. 

SHHH...... THATS HER with Jen. 


Sometime around 10 p.m. Jen drives my inebriated ass home. 

Here are those small drunken eyes, so you know I am done drinking (for at least another hour) 


11:30 p.m. Go to Peter Piper Pizza for some charity thing. At this point I realize that I am drunk at Peter Piper Pizza yall. 
wtf? This was too weird even for me. 
Alot of nothing in between. 
3 a.m. Watching Derek play poker hoping to go home as my alcohol delirium is crashing and burning.
4 a.m. Still waiting for Derek to hurry the fuck up so I can go home and shit the pizza I just ate. 
4:30 a.m. Make it home just in time for me to relieve my stomach cramps and get some shut eye. 


Saturday
Friend Jacob's birthday.

Happy Birthday old man!

                        Birthday boy and his bro

                                        This is 'before' getting there.... I don't know what the fuck that stupid ass smile is about so ignore it as much as you possibly can. 


Nothing significant happened during the day.
9:00 p.m. Decide after a lot of brooding that I was going to get lush. I got ready, changed about  15 fucking times. I am horrible for choosing going out attire. 
9:15 p.m. Drive by myself to Scottsdale (Ugh I know) 
9:45 p.m. Get to my destination where "Girls gone Wold" was playing on the t.v., take a pre-game shot of some weird ass concoction made by one of the guys. 
10 p.m. Pat decides to make some coffee with a giant splash of Vodka. I wanted no part in this vodkacoffee. I happily decline this hot drink because coffee and beer or any type of alcohol do not mix well in my system for partying. Bar bathrooms are not the place to take shits. I did not want to be caught white knuckling the porcelain throne because someone needed to vomit all the martinis she couldn't handle. 
11:30 p.m. Drinking, dancing and being merry.
Midnight Make fun of some semi-passed out guy
                                     
1:30 a.m. Talking to some drunk chick about guys talking about buying her drinks and not following through. She was a sloot by the way, she was not attractive either. She grabbed my phone and tried to get some guys number because she "lost" her phone. (This detail comes up few hours later) 
1:45 a.m. Am being confided with information only a drunk guy will talk about. It was like roles exchanged, I saw pictures of naked girls on cell phone. (I can't fully remember the details of this) 
2:05 a.m. Stumble my ass out of the club with friends hoping someone would just hand me a pair of slippers as my feet were burning and I just wanted to punch all of the Scottsdale sloots and die. 
3:45 a.m. Driving thru McDonald's for a healthy dosage of Fillet 'o fish and fries. I was in the drive thru when some idiots who put their empty Bud Light cans on the ledge of Mickey Dees building decided to harass me...
                                               
They were lucky they didn't get out of the car because my knife and I were intently waiting. No worries nobody got castrated. 

3:55 a.m. Get a call from some dude. Then remember it was that one guy who didn't buy the drunk sloot a drink then have to break it down for him. I give him the fast facts-
A: She did not want to hook up 
B: I did not want to hook up 
C: Fuck off 
Then hung up on him. 
4 something a.m. I get home and fall asleep fast. 


This is what my weekend consisted of. Very fun. Now I feel like a giant lazy piece of useless body. I am just glad that there was no vomit at all involved. 


Patron said he wanted to see me again this weekend. I am going to have to tell that fucker to quit bugging me. I will see him when I see him.